Texts From the Survey Corps
by LeafyGreen5
Summary: Hanji decides to upgrade the Survey Corps by giving them cellphones and allowing them to text each other for better communication. Great idea, right? Maybe not, Hanji... Rated T for language.
1. Hanji Introduces Text to the Survey Corp

A/N: Welcome to TFSC! A month and a half after publishing this first chapter, I've decided to come back to the roots and polish the story. If you love the craziness of the SNK fandom, you will certainly (hopefully) like this fanfic as well! Just to note, I've tried to make the characters as realistic as possible, so don't expect a blubbering Levi fawning over Eren, a loving (and totally not abusive) friendship between Jean and Eren, or a laughing Mikasa. In addition, although they are texting on cellphone-like devices, I've added usernames for your amusement. With that said, enjoy!

* * *

**1. Hanji Introduces Texting to the Survey Corps**

_titanscientist started the Survey Corps conversation._

**titanscientist: **Hello dearies! As you've all heard of, the technicians and I have finally implemented an instant messaging system so we can communicate rapidly instead of using those coloured flares that, you know, TOTALLY AREN'T OBVIOUS TO THE TITANS.

**titanscientist: **I've also taken the liberty of giving you guys usernames.

**titanscientist: **Anyways, what do you think?

_killeren was added to the conversation._

**killeren: **wow hanji...i'm impressed

**titanscientist: **Thank you Eren! I'm glad you like it!

**killeren: **what's up with my name though?

**killeren: **it sounds like i'm trying to kill myself...

**titanscientist: **WHAT?! Don't you get the reference?

**killeren: **no...

**titanscientist:** Kids these days...

**titanscientist: **Kill Bill? The crazy woman who tried to kill everyone who ruined her life?

**killeren: **oh yeah it kind of sounds familiar

**killeren: **but wasn't the crazy woman trying to kill bill?

**killeren: **i shouldn't be the one dying!

**titanscientist: **Pssh technicalities.

_arminhammer was added to the conversation._

**arminhammer: **Umm Hanji...can we change our names by any chance?

**arminhammer: **I'm not sure if I really like this one...

**killeren: **HA

**killeren: **i'm sure corporal levi would XD

**titanscientist: **Yes he would!

**titanscientist: **But Armin, I spent so much time trying to come up with these clever names

_scarymir was added to the conversation._

**scarymir: **really...i wouldn't have thought it...

**killeren: **but your name is really appropriate for you

**scarymir: **shut up titan freak

**scarymir: **you are so dead.

_christandangel was added to the conversation._

**christandangel: **Aww come on guys, let's not argue :)

**christandangel: **I kind of like my username, Hanji!

**titanscientist: **THANK YOU! SOMEONE APPRECIATES MY GENIUS.

**arminhammer: **Well no shit, it actually describes Christa.

**arminhammer: **How does arminhammer describe me?

**killeren: **yeah how does it?

**killeren: **you're anything but buff

**arminhammer: **Eren, I appreciate you trying to help me

**arminhammer: **But please stop.

**killeren: **:P

**titanscientist: **It has nothing to do with your name, but it was just too good to pass up!

_mikasaisyourcasa was added to the conversation._

**mikasaisyourcasa: **Hanji, please change my name now.

**killeren:** AHAHAHAHAHAHA MIKASA WHAT KIND OF A SHITTY NAME IS THAT

**mikasaisyourcasa:** Eren, I will fling you into the manure pile.

**titanscientist:** Eren, if you don't shut up, I'm gonna change your username to something worse.

**killeren:** bring it on

**killeren: **what could be worse than killeren?

_Admin titanscientist changed the username_ _killeren to myfavouriteexperiment._

**titanscientist:** Who's laughing now, bitch?

**myfavouriteexperiment: **WHAT THE FUCK

**mikasaisyourcasa: **She did warn you...

**scarymir: **agreed

**myfavouriteexperiment: **...just go away

**arminhammer:** I really like your new name Eren :)

**arminhammer: **But doesn't the username need to have his name in it?

**titanscientist:** I'm making an exception for him ;)

_jeanchevaljean was added to the conversation._

**jeanchevaljean:** HANJI WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT

**jeanchevaljean: **WHY

**myfavouriteexperiment:** oh my god XD

**myfavouriteexperiment:** i'm dying right now

**myfavouriteexperiment:** hanji i love you now

**jeanchevaljean:** SHUT THE FUCK UP EREN

**myfavouriteexperiment:** shit

**myfavouriteexperiment: **how the fuck did you know it was me

**jeanchevaljean:** who else would she experiment on besides sawney and bean *shiver*

**jeanchevaljean:** AND WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME HANJI

**arminhammer:** You're pretty creative with names, Hanji

**mikasaisyourcasa:** Definitely.

**titanscientist:** Oh thank you dearies! Someone finally appreciates my wit.

**jeanchevaljean:** NOT ME

**jeanchevaljean:** AND MIKASA HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME

_marcopolo was added to the conversation._

**marcopolo:** Oh come on Jean, it's not that bad.

**marcopolo: **What's wrong with Jean Valjean?

**jeanchevaljean:** he lived a crappy and miserable life but that's not the problem

**jeanchevaljean:** it's FUCKING CHEVAL that's a problem! i don't wanna be named after a fucking horse

_connieferous was added to the conversation._

**connieferous:** so, crappy miserable life and horseface

**connieferous: **what's any different?

**jeanchevaljean: **...i can't believe you just went there

**jeanchevaljean:** how would you feel if i just chopped you down for firewood?

**connieferous: **fuck hanji...please change my name now

**titanscientist:** NO. I SPENT TOO MUCH TIME ON THIS. PEOPLE STOP COMPLAINING.

**connieferous:** DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M A FUCKING TREE?

**myfavouriteexperiment: **yes

**myfavouriteexperiment:** a dwarf tree

**connieferous:** WELL SORRY I HAVEN'T HIT PUBERTY YET

**titanscientist:** Hey, don't hate on trees. If it weren't for them we'd be titan food right now.

_potatoesashallots was added to the conversation._

**potatoesashallots:** FOOD! oh wait...btw what are shallots?

_rannientoawall was added to the conversation._

**rannientoawall:** They're a type of onion.

**potatoesashallots:** sweet! that sounds delicious...

**potatoesashallots: **potatoes and onions...drools~

**arminhammer:** Wow Annie...your name is...

**rannientoawall:** Don't even say it, Armin. I obviously didn't pick this dumb name.

**jeanchevaljean:** LOL YOUR NAME XDDDDDD

**rannientoawall:** Look who's talking, chevaljean. You wanna die?

**jeanchevaljean:** O.O

**jeanchevaljean:** sorry

**jeanchevaljean: **don't backflip me like you did to eren and reiner

**rannientoawall:** You too Connie. I can hear you laughing from the other room.

**connieferous:** *gulp*

_reinerdeer was added to the conversation._

**reinerdeer:** Ouch don't remind me...and Hanji, please change my name too. It's not even Christmas yet

_bertholdtingon was added to the conversation._

**bertholdtingon:** Me too, Hanji

**titanscientist:** But why, Reiner and Bertholdt? They're such wonderful names! And Christmas is just around the corner :D

**myfavouriteexperiment:** LOL

**reinerdeer:** That's why. Does it look like I'm a reindeer?

**connieferous:** and does it look like i'm a fucking tree?

**bertholdtingon:** I don't wanna be named after an Avril Lavigne song...

**jeanchevaljean:** what's wrong with avril lavigne?

**jeanchevaljean:** just be glad you weren't named after a miley cyrus song *shiver*

**bertholdtingon:** ...

**connieferous:** ...

**reinerdeer:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** what? what did i say wrong?

**reinerdeer:** Bert likes Miley Cyrus.

**jeanchevaljean:** oh wow...sorry dude.

**jeanchevaljean: **i didn't know

**myfavouriteexperiment:** how could you NOT know?

**myfavouriteexperiment: **he sings it all the time in the shower!

**bertholdtingon:** What? People can hear?

**bertholdtingon: **I thought I was keeping it quiet!

**connieferous:** not quiet enough, apparently

**connieferous: **except for jean who's apparently deaf

**jeanchevaljean:** shut up baldface

**myfavouriteexperiment:** must be cause he's too busy jerking off on himself to hear :)

**connieferous:** whatever, at least i don't look like a horse

**myfavouriteexperiment:** dude, that was my line

**jeanchevaljean:** I'M GONNA KILL BOTH YOU FUCKFACES

**marcopolo:** Calm down, Jean...

_erwinthiswar was added to the conversation._

**erwinthiswar:** Hanji, I really think you should change these names.

**titanscientist:** What, not you too, Erwin!

**titanscientist: **But I gave you a fairly normal name. What's wrong with it?

**erwinthiswar:** Nothing's wrong with my name. Someone else thinks that something's wrong with his name.

**titanscientist:** Pssh well that's a first. Who is it now?

_shortleviathan was added to the conversation._

**shortleviathan:** Hanji you fuckface. Change. It. Now.

**mikasaisyourcasa:** ...

**scarymir:** LOL

**myfavouriteexperiment:** HANJI IF YOU KEEP LEVI'S USERNAME I'LL KEEP THIS STUPID USERNAME.

**titanscientist:** Deal!

**titanscientist:** And what's wrong Levi? It describes you rather perfectly ;)

**shortleviathan:** Shut the fuck up Hanji.

**shortleviathan:** And if you don't close your fucking mouth Jaeger I will personally make you into "my favourite experiment".

**shortleviathan: **And you know what happened last time...

**myfavouriteexperiment:** ...point taken

**titanscientist:** Oh la la what happened last time?

**jeanchevaljean:** damn eren, i didn't know you were a masochist

**mikasaisyourcasa:** What is this Eren.

**mikasaisyourcasa: **Explain yourself.

**myfavouriteexperiment:** what

**myfavouriteexperiment:** what the fuck are you guys talking about?

**connieferous:** well, what are YOU talking about?

**shortleviathan:** When I beat the shit out of Jaeger in front of the Military Police. What else, shitfaces?

**titanscientist:** Oh damn...I was hoping for some action.

**jeanchevaljean:** maybe next time

**mikasaisyourcasa:** You guys are sick. And if you try to do anything Corporal I will beat the shit out of you.

**shortleviathan:** Oh really? Are you challenging your elder?

**mikasaisyourcasa:** I wasn't aware that you were my elder when I'm easily a head taller than you.

**titanscientist:** Ooooh burnnnn...

**jeanchevaljean:** someone's suicidal...

**myfavouriteexperiment:** i think now would be a good time to leave...

**shortleviathan:** Ackerman you just earned yourself a day's worth of cleaning the entire castle.

**shortleviathan: **By yourself.

**mikasaisyourcasa:** Still better than seeing your stupid face.

**shortleviathan:** You little shit

_titanscientist closed the conversation._

And so, Hanji decided to let the soldiers choose their usernames for the sake of avoiding a bloodbath between certain...individuals. We all know who they are.

* * *

**Author's Note**

Version 1.1: Just some format editing. Not many changes to this new revision.

Version 1.2: Adding and removing some snippets of the conversation. The general message is the same, but it sounds more natural now.


	2. Potato Girl is an Evil Mastermind

**2. Potato Girl is an Evil Mastermind**

_titandestroyer started a new conversation with strategicpoint_.

**titandestroyer:** thank god we can choose our own names now armin

**titandestroyer:** no more being hanji's favourite experiment!

**strategicpoint:** Technically Eren, you still are. Remember the spoons incident?

**titandestroyer:** shut up, you know what i mean ;;

**strategicpoint:** ;)

**strategicpoint:** I wonder if the others have changed their names yet.

**titandestroyer:** yeah...but i really liked some of their names

**titandestroyer:** like jean's and levi's

**strategicpoint:** Yeah, I have to admit that Hanji came up with pretty awesome ones for theirs. I doubt they'll keep them though.

**titandestroyer:** too bad...

* * *

_connieferous started a new conversation with potatoesashallots._

**connieferous:** yo sasha

**connieferous:** what are you planning to change your name to?

**potatoesashallots:** i dunno :O i haven't decided yet...wbu?

**connieferous:** same with me...anything but connieferous

**potatoesashallots:** LOL what's wrong with that? it's not that bad

**potatoesashallots:** it has your name on it and isn't offending you

**connieferous:** okay okay not as bad as jean's i guess

**connieferous:** but my name makes absolutely no sense

**connieferous:** i obviously don't look like a tree, right?

**potatoesashallots:** ...

**potatoesashallots:** ...

**connieferous:** what? what is it? don't tell me i actually look like a tree O.o

**potatoesashallots:** oh sorry i almost dropped my bread and i pressed a bunch of keys by accident :)

**connieferous:** *facepalm*

**potatoesashallots:** but that's not the point! i have a brilliant idea :]

**connieferous:** oh crap i'm kinda scared now

**potatoesashallots:** don't worry, you'll like this one

**potatoesashallots:** jean might just keep jeanchevaljean if everything goes to plan ;)

**connieferous:** oh wow what

**connieferous:** i'm so in :D

**potatoesashallots:** it's a bit risky though...not sure if you can handle it...

**connieferous:** I'LL DO IT WOMAN! WHAT'S BETTER THAN JEANCHEVALJEAN

**potatoesashallots:** LOL okay then XD don't say i didn't warn you

**potatoesashallots:** and also, you're too short to look like a tree.

**connieferous: **...

* * *

_potatoesashallots started a new conversation with connieferous, jeanchevaljean and marcopolo._

**potatoesashallots:** hey guys what's up? so i just thought of this brilliant game to pass the time

**jeanchevaljean:** no potato girl

**potatoesashallots:** awww but you haven't even heard it yetttt :(

**jeanchevaljean:** the last game we played almost GOT ME KILLED

**potatoesashallots: i** promise it's 100% physically safe.

**marcopolo:** Come on Jean, let's see what Sasha has to say. I'm all ears

**connieferous:** i'm listening too

**jeanchevaljean:** whatever. hurr up then. i just wanna drop this stupid name as fast as i can

**potatoesashallots:** :D

**potatoesashallots:** okay so i thought

**potatoesashallots:** instead of changing our names to something plain and boring

**potatoesashallots:** i thought I'd make it a bit more interesting

**marcopolo:** What do you mean?

**potatoesashallots:** we come with nicknames for the others and ourselves to have, write them down on pieces of paper and put it in a hat, and then we'll draw

**potatoesashallots:** and that's the name we have to stick with

**jeanchevaljean:** i dunno...it seems kinda risky

**jeanchevaljean:** i don't wanna keep my dumb name

**potatoesashallots:** but we practically live in danger every single day! what's so risky about this?

**jeanchevaljean:** :P

**potatoesashallots:** aww come on! don't you want a chance to give connie a really stupid name?

**connieferous:** hey!

**jeanchevaljean:** well...if you put it that way...okay

**potatoesashallots:** yay! okay, once you write it down on four slips of paper, give it to christa so we know that no one's cheating. sound good?

**marcopolo:** Yup

**connieferous:** aye

**jeanchevaljean:** let the games begin

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a new conversation with potatoesashallots._

**jeanchevaljean:** so how much of a chance do you think connie will get the name i chose for him?

**potatoesashallots:** if everything goes to plan, 100% :)

* * *

_mikasassasin started a new conversation with potatoesashallots._

**mikasassasin:** Sasha, quiet down. I can hear you all the way from my room.

**potatoesashallots:** oops sorry mikasa! I'm just reading something really funny right now.

**mikasassasin:** I can tell...and how come you haven't changed your name yet? I'm sure there are ones better than the name Hanji gave you.

**potatoesashallots:** oh I know, i'll be changing it soon :)

**potatoesashallots:** but see, i'm tricking some of the guys to keep their names, like jeanchevaljean. or to change it to ridiculous names. So i'm making ballots with their names on it so it's 100% guaranteed :)

**mikasassasin:** ...

**mikasassasin:** Can I come over and help?

**potatoesashallots:** absolutely! wanna bring some bread while you're at it?

* * *

**potatoesashallots:** okay so the results are in!

**connieferous:** sweet

**jeanchevaljean:** finally

**jeanchevaljean:** took you long enough slow potato

**marcopolo:** Just curious, how do we know it wasn't rigged?

**potatoesashallots:** no worries, I've got christa next to me to mediate. i'll add her on.

_potatoesashallots added hrgoddess to the conversation._

**hrgoddess:** Hey guys! It's me, Christa :)

**marcopolo:** Hi Christa! Btw what's up with your name?

**hrgoddess:** Oh LOL...Ymir asked me to change it to this.

**connieferous:** cool. i get the goddess part

**hrgoddess:** *blushes*

**connieferous:** but what does hr stand for?

**hrgoddess:** Ummm...I don't know. Maybe Ymir just made it up. Who knows? I wouldn't know. Okay then, let's start the drawing now!

**jeanchevaljean:** okay then...

**hrgoddess:** Okay, so for Sasha...potatopotahto!

**potatoesashallots:** sweet! i like this one!

**jeanchevaljean:** typical

_potatoesashallots changed her name to potatopotahto._

**connieferous:** what's up with you and your goddamn potatoes sasha...

**hrgoddess:** And for Marco...freckledjesus!

**connieferous:** LOL

**marcopolo:** Err what?

**jeanchevaljean:** everyone calls you freckled jesus behind your back marco

**connieferous:** don't worry, it's a good thing :)

**potatopotahto:** it means you're a really nice guy

**potatopotahto:** and have lots of freckles

**marcopolo:** If you say so...

_marcopolo changed his name to freckledjesus._

**hrgoddess:** And now for Connie...fuzzypeaches!

**connieferous:** wait what

**connieferous:** what kind of a shit random name is that

**jeanchevaljean:** my shit name :D thanks sasha

**potatopotahto:** no prob jean :)

**connieferous:** wait what! you guys were fucking conspiring against me all along?!

**jeanchevaljean:** obviously i had to get revenge for laughing about jeanchevaljean

**jeanchevaljean:** and now i can finally get rid of this name!

**connieferous:** wtf is up with fuzzy peaches?

**jeanchevaljean:** well

**jeanchevaljean:** your head looks and feels like fuzzy peaches XD

**hrgoddess:** Connie, change your name please :)

**connieferous:** shit

**connieferous:** you are so fucking dead kirschstein

_connieferous changed his name to fuzzypeaches._

**hrgoddess:** Thanks. Finally for Jean...jeanchevaljean!

**jeanchevaljean:** YAY I

**jeanchevaljean:** what

**jeanchevaljean:** WHAT WHAT WHAT

**connieferous:** thought you were home safe didn't ya bastard

**connieferous:** guess who was planning this behind YOUR back the entire time

**jeanchevaljean:** what? SASHA!

**potatopotahto:** well at least you won't have to go through the hassle of changing your name :)

**jeanchevaljean:** no fuck this i'm changing my name and there's nothing you guys can do about it

**freckledjesus:** But then you'd be breaking your promise :(

**potatopotahto:** and if you even try, you know what's gonna happen to you?

**hrgoddess:** We're gonna make a huge ruckus outside Corporal Levi's room before throwing you into the room

**potatopotahto:** with manure on your head.

**hrgoddess:** You'll look worse than Jean Valjean did after 18 years of prison.

**jeanchevaljean:** christ...since when was christa scary O.O you've been hanging around ymir too much...

**jeanchevaljean:** but pssh you guys aren't strong enough to deal with me

**fuzzypeaches:** i'll join in, especially after giving me this shit name

**fuzzypeaches:** it's the least i can do for naming me after a sour candy

**fuzzypeaches:** A FREAKIN SOUR CANDY

_potatopotahto added mikasassasin to the conversation._

**mikasassasin:** I'll join in too. I think it would be a great source of entertainment.

**freckledjesus:** Um Jean, you're kind of...

**jeanchevaljean:** alright alright i cave...no way i can win against mikasa :S

**mikasassasin:** :)

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a new conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**jeanchevaljean:** i can't believe sasha tricked the both of us

**fuzzypeaches:** i know...i didn't think she had it in her...

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** truce and team up for revenge against the potato girl?

**fuzzypeaches:** let's do this.

* * *

_strategicpoint started a new conversation with titandestroyer and mikasassasin._

**strategicpoint:** Hey guys, so apparently Jean is staying as jeanchevaljean. Any idea how that happened?

**titandestroyer:** LOL what?! you're kidding me right?

**strategicpoint:** Nope. I heard him yelling about it because he was frustrated. Something about losing a game?

**titandestroyer:** oh well, jean's a crazy horseface anyway

**titandestroyer:** do you know something about it mikasa?

**mikasassasin:** Not too much. Just that Sasha tricked both Jean and Connie to get ridiculous names.

**strategicpoint:** What's Connie's?

**mikasassasin:** fuzzypeaches.

**titandestroyer:** LOL that's priceless. i'm gonna make fun of him for that later

**strategicpoint:** I didn't know Sasha could be capable of that deceit. That's kind of scary.

**mikasassasin:** Never underestimate Potato Girl.

Yes, never understimate Potato Girl, indeed.

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hey guys! I can't believe the number of favourites and followers I've gotten. Thanks so much! And thank you creoleereri, Karly666-chan and snow-in-my-room for reviewing :)

Since the chapters are fairly short (and are really fun to write), I think I can update twice a week, mostly on weekends.

In addition, you can submit a scenario or prompt and I might use it for my future chapters, so just post it as a review below or message me :)


	3. Someone's a Bad Sport (aka Levi)

**Chapter 3: Someone's a Bad Sport (aka Levi)**

_erwinsmith started a conversation with shortleviathan._

**erwinsmith:** Hello Levi. Can you let your squad know that we'll be leaving for the 44th expedition in two days' time?

**shortleviathan:** Sure, whatever.

**erwinsmith:** You seem more pissed off than usual.

**shortleviathan:** Tell me how you conclude that from two words, a comma and a period.

**erwinsmith: **Because I've known you for many years. What's going on?

**shortleviathan: **It's not much, but shitty glasses hasn't unlocked my account yet. I know she's doing it on purpose too.

**erwinsmith:** Don't worry, none of the soldiers will make fun of it to your face.

**shortleviathan: **I don't see what the point is if I already know they're laughing about it behind my back.

**erwinsmith: **Sorry. I'm just trying to cheer you up a bit.

**shortleviathan: **The only thing that could me happy at this point was if all the titans died. And if my squad stopped being such shitty brats.

* * *

_shortleviathan started a conversation with titanscientist._

**shortleviathan: **Shitface

**shortleviathan: **Shitty glasses

**shortleviathan:** Titan freak

**shortleviathan:** Piece of crap

**shortleviathan:** ...

**shortleviathan:** Fuckface

**shortleviathan:** Fucking glasses

**shortleviathan:** I know you're there Hanji.

**shortleviathan: **Stop ignoring me.

**shortleviathan: **Or else I'm going to slice up Sawney to feed to Bean, you freak.

**titanscientist: **Okay okay stop this spamming :(

**titanscientist: **What do you want?

**titanscientist: **And don't bring my two lovely children into this!

**shortleviathan: **Children...you really are a freak.

**shortleviathan: **And you know what I want. Hurry up.

**titanscientist: **?

**shortleviathan: **Do I actually have to spell it out for you, fuckface?

**titanscientist: **Why yes you do :) because I have absolutely no clue what you're going on about :D

**shortleviathan: **Unlock this damn account.

**titanscientist: **Well maybe I don't feel like it

**titanscientist: **Especially after calling me all those horrible names

**shortleviathan: **Sorry. Now change it.

**titanscientist: **I'm not convinced. That didn't sound very heartfelt.

**shortleviathan: **Fine. I'm sorry for calling you a freak when you obviously are.

**titanscientist: **Maybe I won't change it

**titanscientist: **Whatcha gonna do about that?

**titanscientist: **High-kick my shins?

**shortleviathan: **That's it

**shortleviathan: **I'm fucking done

**shortleviathan: **We'll see who's laughing after I'm done with your favourite titan

**titanscientist: **NO! I'M SORRY LEVI, PLEASE DON'T HURT SAWNEY AND BEAN

**titanscientist: **AND I DON'T HAVE FAVOURITES I LOVE THEM BOTH EQUALLY

**titanscientist: **COME ON LEVI, YOU KNOW I WAS JOKING

**titanscientist: **I'll change it right now!

**titanscientist: **Hello?

**shortleviathan: **The government deems it important not to sacrifice our two titan captives for the sake of humanity.

**titanscientist: **Huh? What are you going on about?

**shortleviathan: **But who said I was talking about the two titan freaks? I thought you knew who your favourite was...

**titanscientist: **What...?

**shortleviathan: **We'll see who's laughing after I take care of your third titan freak

**titanscientist: **Huh? What are you talking about?

**titanscientist: **Oh wait...

**titanscientist: **OH SHIT

**titanscientist: **I hope Eren doesn't hate me for this

**titanscientist: **But I should go save him first in case Levi actually kills him!

* * *

_mikasassasin started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**mikasassasin: **Eren, wake up.

**mikasassasin: **Eren, wake up.

**mikasassasin: **Hurry before I come to your room and throw you against the wall.

**titandestroyer: **kay i'm up

**titandestroyer: **thanks for being my alarm clock

**mikasassasin: **No problem. I wouldn't want you to be late for breakfast and be punished again by that awful man.

**titandestroyer: **heichou isn't that bad...i think he's just misunderstood

**mikasassasin: **He beat you up until you were half-dead.

**titandestroyer: **rather half-dead than actually dead, don't you think?

**titandestroyer: **anyways let's talk about something else, it's too early in the morning

**titandestroyer: **i'll meet you at the hall for breakfast

**mikasassasin: **Sounds good.

**titandestroyer: **i'll see you theoiajeoia;3-hrba

**mikasassasin: **Eren? What was that? Did you trip over the floor again?

**mikasassasin: **Hello? Are you okay?

**mikasassasin: **Eren?

**titandestroyer: **Eren is a bit...busy right now.

**titandestroyer: **You can blame Hanji for this mess.

**mikasassasin: **What? Who is this?

**mikasassasin: **I'm coming for you bastard

* * *

Several hours later...

_titanscientist started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**titanscientist: **Oh dear, Eren. I'm really sorry

**titanscientist: **I didn't realize that I pissed Levi off that much

**titanscientist: **And I thought he was a patient man!

**titandestroyer: **said no one ever

**titandestroyer: **jkjk

**titandestroyer: **i'm okay now

**titandestroyer: **thank goodness for titan regenerative abilities

**titandestroyer: **or else i wouldn't even be able to walk

**titanscientist: **Wow Eren, I didn't know you knew words that long. I must record this in my observations!

**titandestroyer: **...why does everyone assume i'm stupid

**titanscientist: **Because you are.

**titanscientist: **But again, sorry dearie

**titanscientist: **I promise I'll make it up to you!

**titandestroyer: **how about you keep shortleviathan as heichou's name?

**titanscientist: **Actually...that was the reason why you got completely screwed in the first place.

**titandestroyer: **oh...nvm then

******titanscientist:** What else can I do for you?

**titandestroyer: **can i try some of that beer you guys always drink then?

**titandestroyer: **just a mug is fine

**titanscientist: **You're way underage...but who cares if it's just a cup?

**titanscientist: **Deal!

**titandestroyer: **cool :D oh btw, what's gonna happen to mikasa?

**titanscientist: **They've let her go, but there's a temporary restraining order on her

**titanscientist: **She's gotta be at least 10 metres away from him for a couple weeks

**titandestroyer: **...

**titanscientist: **Trust me, it could be WAY worse.

**titandestroyer: **okay then...

**titanscientist: **Now that that's settled, are you ready for my next experiment? After the spoon incident, I want to see what happens if I tell you to get the spoon from the tree?

**titandestroyer: **looking forward to it...

* * *

_mikasassasin started a conversation with humanitystrongest._

**mikasassasin: **Levi-heichou.

**humanitystrongest: **Ackerman, you know that the restraining order still remains.

**mikasassasin: **I know.

**mikasassasin: **I just wanted to apologize for sending you to the hospital

**humanitystrongest: **You'd better. You're lucky that I have nothing worse than a few cuts to my head.

**mikasassasin: **Without breaking your leg or hurting some vitally important organ

**humanitystrongest: **...

**mikasassasin: **You deserved it.

**mikasassasin: **Eren did nothing to you but you still made him scream in pain.

**mikasassasin: **I don't like seeing my family in pain.

**humanitystrongest: **The brat can handle it. He has a high pain tolerance and can regenerate relatively quickly.

**mikasassasin: **It doesn't mean that you can just rip him apart like he's your pet.

**humanitystrongest: **Actually, he is my pet. Didn't you hear what the judge said at Eren's trial? I'm responsible for him

**humanitystrongest: **I can do anything I want to him

**humanitystrongest: **Chain him to a wall, tie him up with rope, whip him, torture him

**humanitystrongest: **Have him panting, out of breath and barely conscious of his surroundings

**humanitystrongest: **Anything.

**mikasassasin: **You bastard.

**mikasassasin: **I see that you've changed your name

**mikasassasin: **Although you're still short

**mikasassasin: **If you're really "humanity's strongest", why don't you take me on?

**mikasassasin: **We'll see who's stronger then.

**humanitystrongest: **Changing tactics, eh? Very well then, Ackerman. I can't say no to a challenge.

**humanitystrongest: **Tomorrow by the barnyard at 9 AM.

**mikasassasin: **Bring it on shortie.

**humanitystrongest: **You are fucking dead.

* * *

_BANG!_ Jean awoke, startled by Mikasa slamming her first against the flimsy wooden table before storming out of the mess hall.

_What's her problem?_ Jean wondered as the beautiful girl disappeared from his sight.

_Whatever...might as well get a few extra Z's before today's training._

Just as Jean was about to resume his nap, his eyes fell on a small silver device sitting at Mikasa's table. Amidst her frustration, she had forgotten to take her phone with her.

"Hey, Mikasa," Jean called out half-heartedly, even though she was long gone from the hall.

_I'll just give it to her at morning training then. No biggie._

Jean was about to put the phone in his pocket when it suddenly vibrated. Unable to resist his curiosity, he checked the phone secreen. His eyes widened.

**humanitystrongest: **You are fucking dead.

_What the fuck? Why is Levi telling her that she's dead? I've got to help her!_

Being the curious cat that he was, Jean unlocked Mikasa's phone and began reading through her exchange between Levi. His face paled as he read each sentence...but for a different reason.

_Scream in pain...chained...tied with rope...whipped...tortured...panting...barely conscious...?_

Jean didn't even realize he was speaking out loud. "Since when were Levi and Eren screwing with each other?"

"Wait, what?"

* * *

**Author's Note**

So I was writing the texts, and things got out of control between Mikasa and Levi...I have a very crazy imagination. But at least I know what to write for the next chapter :D Also, I normally won't write in a normal third-person POV like I did with Jean, but I just couldn't resist for this chapter. Even Shakespeare knows how funny and powerful misunderstanding can be (yeah I'm talking to you Midsummer Night's Dream and just about every drama that he wrote).

You guys are awesome! Thank you Yoruko-Chan, 26, Peque Saltamontes, Ane Momsen and kishirinrin for reviewing! I'm glad I can make you guys laugh :D

Also, sorry in advance for any errors. Let me know if you see any!

My offer for you to submit a scenario or prompt is still up! Just post in the reviews or private message me :D


	4. Mikasa is a Great Improviser

**Chapter 4: Mikasa is a Great Improviser**

"Since when were Levi and Eren screwing with each other?"

"Wait, what?"

Jean's head snapped upright. He turned around to see Connie, holding a half-eaten piece of bread. The short teen had a shocked and confused look on his face.

"What did you just say?" Connie asked insistently.

"N-nothing!" Jean exclaimed. "I said the weather looks great today, right, _Connie_?" His arms began flailing around.

Connie thought that Jean had somehow lost it and become possessed, but then he realized that Jean was (not so inconspicuously) reminding him of the dozen or so people that were still eating in the mess hall.

"Oh...ha ha definitely. It's so beautiful today!" Connie tried to go along with Jean's over-exaggerated act, but he sounded fake. Thankfully, no one was paying any attention to the two morons. No one seemed to notice anything out of the ordinary. Those two always acted like idiots anyway.

"So I'm gonna go outside and get some fresh air," Jean said to Connie, his eye twitching erratically as he cleared his dishes. "I'll see you at training, Connie."

"Umm...bye," Connie replied awkwardly. He watched Jean (still with a slightly mortified expression on his face) leave the dimly-lit room. He didn't even notice Sasha slyly swiping his remaining bread from his plate.

_What the fuck just happened right now?_

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**jeanchevaljean:** are you fucking retarded or something?!

**fuzzypeaches:** yeah apparently, cause i have NO CLUE what's going on

**fuzzypeaches:** why don't you enlighten me, horseface?

**jeanchevaljean:** fuck you

**jeanchevaljean:** okay so i was reading through mikasa's texts to levi

**fuzzypeaches:** whoa whoa hold up there

**fuzzypeaches:** there's too many things wrong with what you just said

**jeanchevaljean:** eh? it's not my grammar, right?

**fuzzypeaches:** no! dude, first you said mikasa and heichou are texting each other

**jeanchevaljean:** i know, right?

**fuzzypeaches:** but more importantly...WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU READING MIKASA'S TEXTS YOU CREEPER

**fuzzypeaches:** i didn't know you were that desperate

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** no no this isn't what it looks like

**fuzzypeaches: **oh really...

**jeanchevaljean:** she left her phone at the table after getting mad about something

**jeanchevaljean:** and i planned on giving it back to her at training

**jeanchevaljean:** but the phone started vibrating and shit

**jeanchevaljean:** what was i supposed to do?

**fuzzypeaches:** ignore it you dipshit...

**fuzzypeaches:** whatever, so what happened next?

**jeanchevaljean:** so then i saw the incoming text from levi

**jeanchevaljean:** and it said YOU ARE FUCKING DEAD

**fuzzypeaches:** so...

**fuzzypeaches:** are you saying that to me, or is that what was actually on the text?

**jeanchevaljean:** both!

**jeanchevaljean:** oh wait...i meant actually on the text

**fuzzypeaches:** ...

**fuzzypeaches:** you're fucking dead too

**jeanchevaljean:** sorry dude, i wasn't thinking

**fuzzypeaches:** you finally figured it out eh?

**jeanchevaljean:** screw you connie

**jeanchevaljean:** and so anyway i was freaked out and i started reading through their texts to see if i could help mikasa

**fuzzypeaches:** i think the last person she needs helping her is you

**fuzzypeaches:** she's stronger than ten of us combined

**fuzzypeaches:** hate to admit it, but she's even stronger than me

**jeanchevaljean:** ...says the one who had a lower ranking than me

**fuzzypeaches:** touché...maybe we should stop this dissing for a few moments...we're getting off on a tangent here

**fuzzypeaches:** truce?

**jeanchevaljean:** only if i get to say one more insulting thing to you

**jeanchevaljean:** then that'll make it even

**fuzzypeaches:** ...shoot

**jeanchevaljean:** i didn't know you were even smart enough to know what tangent means

**fuzzypeaches:** sigh...okay so then what?

**fuzzypeaches:** i promise i won't interrupt until the end of your story

**jeanchevaljean:** kay so i started scrolling up and reading

**jeanchevaljean:** and there was stuff about eren in there too...and something about mikasa attacking levi

**fuzzypeaches:** what, seriously?

**jeanchevaljean:** no interrupting, fuzzy peaches!

**fuzzypeaches:** *zips mouth shut*

**jeanchevaljean:** and heichou wrote that he could do anything he wanted to eren since he's responsible for him

**jeanchevaljean:** and it listed a bunch of kinky stuff, like bdsm and bondage shit

**fuzzypeaches:** O.O

**fuzzypeaches:** like what?

**jeanchevaljean:** "Chain him to a wall, tie him up with rope, whip him, torture him"

**fuzzypeaches:** but the military police have done that to him already

**jeanchevaljean:** "Have him panting, out of breath and barely conscious of his surroundings"

**jeanchevaljean:** heichou's exact words

**fuzzypeaches:** ...it does sound incriminating, but it still seems like just typical stuff, beating the shit out of eren

**fuzzypeaches:** cause who wouldn't?

**jeanchevaljean:** i agree with you on that

**jeanchevaljean:** but the important thing is that mikasa got mad and challenged levi to a fight!

**fuzzypeaches:** SAY WHAT?

**jeanchevaljean:** and they're fighting at the barnyard at 9 tomorrow morning

**fuzzypeaches:** OMG we have to go watch this!

**fuzzypeaches:** i'll prepare the baked potato chips

**jeanchevaljean:** oh shit..

**fuzzypeaches:** what?

**jeanchevaljean:** the text was sent yesterday...so that means they're fighting TODAY

**jeanchevaljean:** IN LESS THAN FIFTEEN MINUTES

**fuzzypeaches:** HOLY SHIT LET'S GO

**fuzzypeaches:** FRONT ROW SEATS MAN

**jeanchevaljean:** but mikasa! she's gonna get hurt!

**fuzzypeaches:** she's a tank, if anyone can handle levi, it's her

**fuzzypeaches:** now get over your crush and let's watch some action

**fuzzypeaches:** last one there's a horseface!

* * *

_fuzzypeaches started a conversation with potatopotahto._

**fuzzypeaches:** yo sasha

**potatopotahto:** yeah?

**fuzzypeaches:** fight going on in the barnyard right now

**potatopotahto:** between who? if it's between eren and jean again then i'm not going

**fuzzypeaches:** levi-heichou and mikasa

**potatopotahto: **...

**potatopotahto:** save me a spot

**potatopotahto:** i'll bring my baked potato chips

**fuzzypeaches:** :D

* * *

_strategicpoint started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**strategicpoint:** Eren!

**titandestroyer:** ...what is it armin

**strategicpoint:** Rumour's spread that Levi-heichou and Mikasa are fighting at the barnyard right now

**titandestroyer:** what? you're kidding me

**strategicpoint:** Nope. I heard it from Sasha while she was sprinting there

**strategicpoint:** And everyone's coming along too

**titandestroyer:** sasha's probably just faking it for attention

**titandestroyer:** and i don't believe that crap...there's no reason for them to fight anyway

**strategicpoint:** Umm...don't you remember how Heichou has a restraining order on her now? Cause of you?

**titandestroyer: **no cause it was cause of freakin hanji ;; i was just the unsuspecting victim

**strategicpoint:** ...Well, I'm going to go check it out, so I guess I'll let you know if something's going on.

**titandestroyer:** sure, sure

* * *

_Ten minutes later..._

**strategicpoint:** Oh my god, Eren. They're actually fighting.

**titandestroyer:** who?

**strategicpoint:** Levi-heichou and Mikasa, you dumb shit! They're actually fighting!

**titandestroyer:** O.O

**titandestroyer:** I hope you're not trolling me

**strategicpoint:** Nope, they're battling without their 3DMG

**strategicpoint:** It's pretty crazy. They're jumping from roofs and flying 3 metres in the air even without their gear

**strategicpoint:** And they're throwing projectiles and weapons at each other...what the...

**titandestroyer:** shit...

**strategicpoint:** ...Oh boy

**titandestroyer:** ?

**strategicpoint:** Jean said they're fighting over YOU

**strategicpoint:** YOU, Eren.

**strategicpoint:** What the hell did you do again?

**titandestroyer:** WHAT

**titandestroyer: **WHAT DO YOU MEAN AGAIN

**titandestroyer:** I DON'T FUCKING KNOW

**titandestroyer:** i'll be there in 5

**strategicpoint:** It might be over by then...

* * *

_wreckingball started a conversation with lionheart and hooverdam._

**wreckingball:** Hey, were you guys there when the fight was going on?

**wreckingball:** I was in the showers so I didn't hear Sasha screaming it to the entire squad

**hooverdam:** Yeah, it was pretty intense

**hooverdam:** It was like watching a kung fu movie

**wreckingball: **So who won?

**lionheart:** No one.

**lionheart:** Bertholdt, it's called wushu. And wushu implies that there is physical contact

**wreckingball:** No one won? And what about the wushu, Annie?

**lionheart:** They didn't even touch each other

**lionheart:** As soon as the fight began, Levi reminded her of the restraining order

**lionheart:** And Mikasa decided to throw projectiles like shovels, rakes and knives at him instead

**hooverdam:** They would have kept fighting if Erwin and Hanji hadn't stepped in and pried the two apart

**wreckingball:** Damn...all that hype and no one won

**hooverdam:** Maybe next time...

**lionheart:** Don't worry Reiner. There will be a next time...

* * *

**Author's Note**

Well then...I feel like this fanfic is more on crack each time XD I just want to say thanks to Yoruko-Chan, Kamakiri, 26 and HarmonyBenderFreak for reviewing! You guys (and all my other followers) are awesome!

No promises, but I might update more often since classes have ended for me (yay!). But I have to spent that free time studying for finals so...we'll see how it goes along.

Follow and review if you enjoyed this chapter, and let me know if there are any mistakes or any suggestions that you could make to improve TFSC!

Merci beaucoup, mes amis!


	5. Christa's Sleepover

**Chapter 5: Christa's Sleepover**

_mikasassasin started a conversation with humanitystrongest._

**mikasassasin:** Hello, Corporal Levi.

**humanitystrongest:** Trying to provoke me again?

**humanitystrongest:** Not falling for it this time. I've already gotten my ear chewed out by Commander Erwin.

**mikasassasin:** No, I'm not.

**humanitystrongest:** Then what is it, brat?

**mikasassasin:** I'm offering a rematch for sometime in the future because we were rudely interrupted by the Commander.

**mikasassasin:** Not because I'm angry at you, but because a challenge should always be completed.

**humanitystrongest:** A sense of fulfilment, eh?

**humanitystrongest:** ...you got yourself a deal.

**humanitystrongest:** We'll battle after the restraining order is lifted.

**mikasassasin:** How long will that take?

**humanitystrongest:** It used to be two weeks, but it's been upped to four now, thanks to you.

**mikasassasin:** ...okay sir. I look forward to the battle.

* * *

_hrgoddess started a conversation with ymirror, mikasassasin, potatopotahto, and lionheart._

**hrgoddess:** Hey guys! I was thinking of having an all-girls' sleepover before the start of the expedition. Just to lighten things up. Can we? Please?

**ymirror:** sure Christa :)

**potatopotahto:** OMG sleepover! i'll bring my baked potato chips!

**mikasassasin:** I'd rather sleep...but I suppose I'll come along

**lionheart:** I'm not going

**lionheart:** I don't see the point of sleepovers

**potatopotahto:** It's to have lots of fun

**potatopotahto:** And to make fun of the guys!

**lionheart:** Like we don't do that everyday...

**lionheart:** I still fail to see the point

* * *

_ymirror started a conversation with lionheart._

**ymirror:** it's to make Christa happy

**ymirror:** you'd better come bitch

**lionheart:** What's to stop me from not coming?

**ymirror:** this.

**lionheart:** ...

**lionheart:** ...

**lionheart:** Fine you win this round, asshole

* * *

**hrgoddess:** Hello? Annie? Are you coming?

**lionheart:** I'll be there.

**potatopotahto:** Yay!

**hrgoddess:** :D

**ymirror:** :]

**lionheart:** ...

* * *

_Several hours later..._

**hrgoddess:** Umm guys?

**hrgoddess:** Change of plans...they heard about our sleepover and now they won't let us out of our rooms :(

**potatopotahto:** who's they?

**ymirror:** the commander and corporal douchebags

**potatopotahto:** i wish they'd understand that we need a break sometimes... :(

**hrgoddess:** ...I have another idea!

**hrgoddess:** Let's keep this group convo going for the whole night

**hrgoddess:** It'll almost be like having a sleepover :D

**potatopotahto:** OH MY GOODNESS YES

**potatopotahto:** i've always wanted a texting marathon!

**mikasassasin:** Okay then

**lionheart:** Whatever.

**ymirror:** great idea, Christa

**hrgoddess:** :)

**potatopotahto:** so umm...how should we begin?

**hrgoddess:** Err I don't know :P

**hrgoddess:** ...

**hrgoddess:** Any suggestions guys?

**potatopotahto:** hot potato?

**lionheart:** We're not in the same room.

**lionheart:** And stop talking about potatoes, Sasha.

**hrgoddess:** Truth or dare?

**mikasassasin:** We can't enforce the rules if we're not in the same room.

**ymirror:** fuck this shit, you guys are lame

**ymirror:** except Christa of course :)

**lionheart:** ...

**ymirror:** text one of the guys up

**ymirror:** like horseface or baldface

**potatopotahto:** well then hehe...i'll just stay out of this one then

**lionheart:** Aren't you good friends with them

**mikasassasin:** She is, but she's the reason they're stuck with those ridiculous names

**lionheart:** Ahh so it was you...

**lionheart:** Props to you, potato girl

**potatopotahto:** thanks annie! :D

**hrgoddess:** I'll add them to the group convo then!

_hrgoddess added jeanchevaljean and fuzzypeaches to the conversation._

**lionheart:** LOL

**potatopotahto:** ...did annie just laugh?

**potatopotahto:** IT'S A MIRACLE HALLELUJAH

**lionheart:** Shut up.

**jeanchevaljean:** wait what is this

**jeanchevaljean:** why did you guys add me

**fuzzypeaches:** and me?

**ymirror:** we're just...bored

**ymirror:** entertain us boys

**jeanchevaljean:** eh?

**fuzzypeaches:** wait...why are we the only guys on here

**ymirror:** you're not guys anymore now that you've joined us

**fuzzypeaches:** oh shit...i'm scared now

**fuzzypeaches:** i'm outta here

**jeanchevaljean:** same

**hrgoddess:** Awww come on don't be like that!

**hrgoddess:** We were going to have a sleepover, but the uppers wouldn't let us

**hrgoddess:** So we're having a texting marathon instead

**hrgoddess:** Wanna join us? Please? :3

**jeanchevaljean:** well...since you asked so nicely...sure

**jeanchevaljean:** but i'm leaving if the ice queens start threatening me again

**ymirror:** aw is the wittle horse scared?

**jeanchevaljean:** fyi it's called a colt

**jeanchevaljean:** and...nvm...i'm not scared of you girls

**mikasassasin:** You should be.

**jeanchevaljean:** ...O.O

**fuzzypeaches:** hey christa, can we add more people onto here then?

**fuzzypeaches:** just so that jean and i...don't feel so lonely

**hrgoddess:** Sure!

**hrgoddess:** I'll add them

_hrgoddess added freckledjesus, hooverdam, humanitystrongest, strategicpoint, titandestroyer and wreckingball to the conversation._

**freckledjesus:** Hi umm...what is this?

**hrgoddess:** A group chat! We're having a texting marathon :)

**titandestroyer**: but i'm really sleepy though...

**titandestroyer:** can't this wait until tomorrow?

**potatopotahto:** but we're leaving for the expedition the day after

**potatopotahto:** today's our last chance

**strategicpoint:** ...I think I'd rather not

**ymirror:** armin arlert...

**strategicpoint:** NVM I'LL STAY

**strategicpoint:** This sounds like a lot of fun!

**wreckingball:** I'll stay, Christa :)

**hooverdam:** If Reiner's staying then I am too.

**hrgoddess:** Yay! Let's talk about something fun then!

**freckledjesus:** Like what?

**lionheart:** Ask a question that the entire group has to answer.

**hrgoddess:** Ooh great idea Annie!

**hrgoddess:** What question should we start with?

**ymirror:** something embarrassing you'd never be able to tell anyone

**ymirror:** annie you can start :)

**lionheart:** ...doesn't that defeat the purpose of a secret then...

**ymirror:** we're waiting...

**lionheart:** Fine then bitch.

**lionheart:** I saw Horseface and Marco making out by the bathroom once.

**ymirror:** LOL

**ymirror:** wait what

**titandestroyer:** WHAT

**freckledjesus:** What?

**fuzzypeaches:** *choking*

**jeanchevaljean:** WTF ANNIE!

**jeanchevaljean:** guys this isn't true

**jeanchevaljean:** this is all slander

**titandestroyer:** are ya sure

**potatopotahto:** OMGEE YOU GUYS ARE GOING OUT? 3 3

**freckledjesus:** No we aren't!

**freckledjesus:** We're just friends!

**titandestroyer:** pssh yeah when pigs fly

**jeanchevaljean:** jaeger i'm going to fucking strangle you if you don't shut up

**strategicpoint:** Well then...we should move on then

**strategicpoint:** And congrats Jean and Marco :)

**jeanchevaljean:** NOT YOU TOO ARMIN

**jeanchevaljean:** WE'RE NOT DATING

**wreckingball:** For now anyways

**jeanchevaljean:** STOP IT REINER

**strategicpoint:** Do you guys realize that Annie's gone now?

**potatopotahto:** oh yeah...

**hrgoddess:** Aww :(

**hrgoddess:** I guess it's not really her thing...

**ymirror:** don't worry, i'll make sure she doesn't leave next time...

**fuzzypeaches:** not surprised considering how antisocial she is

**fuzzypeaches:** but no use crying over spilled milk

**fuzzypeaches:** since annie's gone we'll just move on to someone else then

**fuzzypeaches:** you can go, jean :)

**jeanchevaljean:** can i burn someone else like annie did to me

**jeanchevaljean:** i'm still pissed as hell

**hrgoddess:** ...Try not to if you can

**jeanchevaljean:** fine whatever. it's not something embarrassing about me but

**jeanchevaljean:** you know the cupboard by the left side of the main hall?

**jeanchevaljean:** i was cleaning it cause the corporal forced me too

**jeanchevaljean:** and there was this smudge that i couldn't get off no matter how much i cleaned it

**jeanchevaljean:** so then i got mad and smashed my fist down on the spot

**jeanchevaljean:** and a secret compartment from the bottom opened up!

**jeanchevaljean:** you won't believe what i found in there!

**strategicpoint:** Whoa really? That's so cool! I wonder if there's more of those in the castle?

**potatopotahto:** oooh I wanna check it out now :D

**jeanchevaljean:** do you really?

**freckledjesus:** What was in there?

**jeanchevaljean:** a stack of gay porn magazines...

**strategicpoint:** ...seriously? What the heck is that doing there?

**jeanchevaljean:** blondie does it look like i know

**titandestroyer:** yes

**jeanchevaljean:** shut up jaeger

**jeanchevaljean:** the worst thing's that the magazines are fairly recent

**jeanchevaljean:** a couple years old at most

**wreckingball:** I didn't even know these things existed...

**hooverdam:** I wonder whose they are...

**jeanchevaljean:** yeah...but i bet that it belongs to someone who's not talking on here right now

**strategicpoint:** Oh I see! Cause they're scared now, so they'll go get the mags and hide them somewhere else

**jeanchevaljean:** so who's not here right now

**titandestroyer:** i'm still here

**jeanchevaljean:** damn, and i thought it would be you

**titandestroyer:** you're not funny horseface

**titandestroyer:** who else is there?

**hrgoddess:** I'm still here

**ymirror:** and so am i

**potatopotahto:** here!

**wreckingball:** Here too

**hooverdam:** And me

**jeanchevaljean:** so who hasn't responded?

**ymirror:** annie, mikasa, marco and connie...

**jeanchevaljean:** it's got to be connie! who else would have that stuff?

**potatopotahto:** but i don't think connie's smart enough to find a secret compartment

**fuzzypeaches:** hey i heard that!

**fuzzypeaches:** and i was in the bathroom you dipshits

**titandestroyer:** no way it's mikasa

**titandestroyer:** or else i would've known by now

**jeanchevaljean:** i agree

**titandestroyer:** excuse me you're not one to talk

**hrgoddess:** maybe someone should go down and check the cupboard to see if it's still there

**potatopotahto:** oooh great idea! i'll go!

**humanitystrongest:** I'll get it.

**potatopotahto:** awwww but i wanna go open the secret compar

**potatopotahto:** Ohhhh hi there Corporal Levi

**potatopotahto:** Nice seeing you here :)

**fuzzypeaches: **SHIT RUN FOR IT

**humanitystrongest:** Quit acting so innocent. And shut up Springer. So whose brilliant idea was it to add me to this conversation and spam my phone with a billion texts...

**hrgoddess:** Oops...I think I added you by mistake...sorry

**humanitystrongest:** And waking me up from my sleep?

**hrgoddess:** I'M SO SORRY PLEASE FORGIVE ME :(

**humanitystrongest:** Whatever, just don't do it again.

**humanitystrongest:** And since you soldiers have been staying up all night talking about this secret compartment instead of SLEEPING, I think I'll go check it out.

**humanitystrongest:** Go to sleep. That's an order.

**hrgoddess:** Yes sir!

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with hrgoddess, ymirror, mikasassasin, potatopotahto, titandestroyer, strategicpoint, wreckingball and hooverdam._

**jeanchevaljean:** christa!

**jeanchevaljean:** you got us all in trouble!

**hrgoddess:** I'm sorry! I didn't mean too...I must have accidentally selected his name when I was making the convo...

**mikasassasin:** Whatever. What's done is done. I say we end the night and get some sleep now

**titandestroyer:** i'm all up for that...i'm exhausted

**strategicpoint:** Eren, you're always exhausted.

**titandestroyer:** well you would be too if you had to turn into a titan at hanji's every whim...

**hrgoddess:** Okay everyone's in a bad mood...good night everyone!

**potatopotahto:** good night :)

**wreckingball:** Night :)

**potatopotahto:** oh wait! i almost forgot to mention this but

**potatopotahto:** what's levi going to do when he finds the porno mags?

* * *

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with titanscientist._

**humanitystrongest: **Oi shitface.

**titanscientist: **Yes?

**humanitystrongest: **One of my squad members found your porno stash. Better hide it somewhere safer next time.

**titanscientist: **Where did they find it?

**humanitystrongest: **The secret compartment in the cupboard in the main hall.

**titanscientist: **Damn...and I really liked those ones too :(

**titanscientist: **Well if one of them found it by accident then they won't be able to find the rest!

**humanitystrongest: **...how many more are there

**titanscientist: **At least seven, if my memory serves correctly.

**humanitystrongest: **...good night Hanji. I'm going to have nightmares now.

**titanscientist: **Hopefully erotic ones ;) And you're welcome!

* * *

**Author's Note**

Whoo it's been a long week! I would have updated sooner, but unfortunately biology and chem kidnapped me. *stick up a finger to quantum mechanics and biochem*

Anyways, I want to say lots of thanks to lostnumber, Lady Mari-chan, Blackout785, HarmonyBenderFreak, 26, hellraven-ovo, Yoruko-Chan, snow-in-my-room, Gou Tachibana, and Peque Saltamontes for reviewing! You guys are wonderful 3

Remember, review or PM me if there are any mistakes, or if you just want to say hi :) And some of the chapters have been updated (I just changed Sasha's format a bit so that she doesn't use capitals).

Gracias, mis amigos!


	6. XOXO Gossip Girl Reiner

**Chapter 6: XOXO Gossip Girl Reiner**

_potatopotahto started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**potatopotahto:** hey connie! ya ready for the expedition?

**fuzzypeaches:** no

**fuzzypeaches:** why would i be ready to march to my potential death...

**fuzzypeaches:** half of us don't even make it each trip

**potatopotahto:** just think of it as an adventure instead :)

**fuzzypeaches:** i refuse

**potatopotahto:** come on...it'll be less stressing on your mind

**fuzzypeaches:** yeah whatever...

* * *

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**humanitystrongest:** Oi brat, where are you? It's almost time to leave.

**humanitystrongest:** Jaeger, I am in a really bad mood right now. If you don't get your ass out here in 5 min, you're going to have to carry all my equipment during the expedition.

**humanitystrongest:** ...

**humanitystrongest:** It's amazing how you're worse than Hanji.

**humanitystrongest:** ...tch

**humanitystrongest:** I warned you, brat.

* * *

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with strategicpoint._

**humanitystrongest:** Arlert.

**strategicpoint:** Yes, Corporal Levi?

**humanitystrongest:** Where is Jaeger? It's almost time to leave, but he hasn't shown up yet.

**strategicpoint:** I'm sure he's just getting ready. He wouldn't sleep in on such an important day.

**humanitystrongest:** Tell me, have you seen him this morning at all?

**strategicpoint:** ...no, sir.

**humanitystrongest:** Very well.

**humanitystrongest:** Thank you, Arlert.

**strategicpoint:** I can go find him if you're busy.

**humanitystrongest:** No need, I'll deal with it myself. Go get ready for the expedition.

**strategicpoint:** Yes sir!

* * *

_freckledjesus started a conversation with jeanchevaljean._

**freckledjesus:** Hey Jean? I forgot my cloak in my room

**freckledjesus:** Can you wait for me while I go get it?

**jeanchevaljean:** sure marco

**jeanchevaljean:** i'll wait for ya outside

**freckledjesus:** Thanks Jean :)

**freckledjesus:** Huh

**jeanchevaljean:** eh what is it?

**freckledjesus:** The corporal's here

**jeanchevaljean:** but i thought everyone's outside now

**freckledjesus:** That's what I thought too...

**freckledjesus:** He looks like a really angry zombie

**freckledjesus:** And he's banging on Eren's door

**freckledjesus:** Guess Eren didn't wake up?

**jeanchevaljean:** typical eren

**jeanchevaljean:** what a dumbass

**jeanchevaljean:** why am i not surprised that he's going to get his face beaten in by levi

**jeanchevaljean:** it's like he wants it to happen

**freckledjesus:** Aw come on Jean, don't be so critical

**freckledjesus:** It's not his fault he's like that

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** did you just crack a joke about eren

**freckledjesus:** Err...

**jeanchevaljean:** IT'S A MIRACLE HOLY MARCO I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T HAVE A BAD BONE IN YOUR BODY

**freckledjesus:** Umm okay then...glad to see that you think that of me

**freckledjesus:** Oh Levi-heichou's kicking the door now

**freckledjesus:** I'm surprised Eren hasn't awoken...that is if he's in there at all

**freckledjesus:** what else?

**freckledjesus:** He just broke down the door;;

**jeanchevaljean:** bet he's even gonna make eren fix the door too LOL

**freckledjesus:** No kidding...

**freckledjesus:** Eren's definitely in his room

**jeanchevaljean:** you hear him?

**freckledjesus:** I hear choking noises

**freckledjesus:** I think it's him

**jeanchevaljean:** well no shit

**jeanchevaljean:** it's obviously not the corporal

**freckledjesus:** Who knows? It could be.

**jeanchevaljean:** ...we're talking about humanity's strongest here.

**jeanchevaljean:** anything else?

**freckledjesus:** Since when did I become the news correspondent to this?

**jeanchevaljean:** Since you left your cloak behind in your room, mr forgetful

**jeanchevaljean:** your fault, marco

**freckledjesus:** ...fine.

**freckledjesus:** Okay...I hear a bunch of thuds and groaning

**freckledjesus:** Eren's moaning and screaming and swearing

**freckledjesus:** Levi-heichou's telling him not to be such a whiny bitch

**freckledjesus:** Or else he's gonna lock him in the dungeon again with chain cuffs

**jeanchevaljean:** LOL that'd be pretty funny if that happened

**freckledjesus:** Jean!

**jeanchevaljean:** what?

**jeanchevaljean:** just stating a fact here

**freckledjesus:** Well, there doesn't seem to be anything else going on right now, so I'm gonna head out now

**jeanchevaljean:** cool

* * *

_hooverdam started a conversation with wreckingball._

**hooverdam:** Reiner

**hooverdam:** Can you wait for me outside? I have to go up to my room because I forgot something.

**wreckingball:** Sure thing Bert. I'll be waiting outside

**hooverdam:** Thanks!

* * *

**hooverdam:** ...oh my god

**wreckingball:** What is it?

**hooverdam:** I'm hearing Eren and Corporal Levi in Eren's room

**wreckingball:** Haha is the corporal threatening Jaeger again?

**hooverdam:** Ummmm...

**wreckingball:** What? Heichou's not stabbing him, is he?

**wreckingball:** I mean even with Eren's regenerative abilities it would be painful

**hooverdam:** A bunch of thuds and groaning

**hooverdam:** Moaning, screaming, swearing

**hooverdam:** From Eren I think

**hooverdam:** Corporal Levi's telling him not to be such a whiny bitch

**hooverdam:** Or else he's gonna be locked in the dungeon again with chain cuffs...

**hooverdam:** Reiner

**hooverdam:** What am I hearing right now

**wreckingball:** ...

**wreckingball:** Something very suspicious

**wreckingball:** So does this mean that the rumours are true?

**hooverdam:** Umm I dunno

**hooverdam:** I think I'm scarred for life

**hooverdam:** I'm gonna go change my shirt

**hooverdam:** I'm so nervous I'm sweating...

**wreckingball:** Sigh...

**wreckingball:** Hurry up Bertholdt

**hooverdam:** Just don't tell anyone

**hooverdam:** Cause I don't know if it's true or not and spreading rumours isn't cool

**wreckingball:** Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about the sweating :)

**hooverdam:** ...I meant Eren and Levi-heichou

**hooverdam:** But that too

**wreckingball:** Sure thing then

* * *

_wreckingball started a conversation with hrgoddess._

**wreckingball:** Christa!

**hrgoddess:** What is it?

**wreckingball:** You won't believe what happened!

* * *

_hrgoddess started a conversation with ymirror._

**hrgoddess:** Hey Ymir

**hrgoddess:** I heard something from Reiner, but I don't know if it's true or not

**ymirror:** why were you talking to reiner

**ymirror:** but spill.

* * *

_strategicpoint started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**strategicpoint:** Took you long enough Eren.

**titandestroyer:** hehe sorry...

**titandestroyer:** i guess i was just really exhausted

**titandestroyer:** although i'm surprised mikasa didn't wake me up

**titandestroyer:** she makes a really good alarm clock

**strategicpoint:** Sigh...

**strategicpoint:** So how is it carrying all of Levi-heichou's stuff around?

**titandestroyer:** don't remind me...i don't know why the guy needs so much stuff

**titandestroyer:** it's called packing light :P

**strategicpoint:** I suppose

**strategicpoint:** Btw what's that bruise around your neck?

**strategicpoint:** It's pretty big and ugly looking

**strategicpoint:** It must be recent since your injuries don't last long

**titandestroyer:** ah...

**titandestroyer:** those are levi-heichou's hand marks

**strategicpoint:** ?

**titandestroyer:** from strangling me;;

**strategicpoint:** So that's what they are...don't let Mikasa see them

**titandestroyer:** well no shit

**titandestroyer:** but what did you think they were?

**strategicpoint:** Rumours have been spreading about you and Corporal Levi again.

**titandestroyer:** again? seriously?

**titandestroyer:** don't these fuckers have better things to do

**strategicpoint:** Obviously not

**strategicpoint:** Someone must have heard you guys or something

**titandestroyer:** oh god i can't

**titandestroyer:** time to go punch jean in the face or something

**strategicpoint:** What did Jean do?

**titandestroyer:** he's the one who probably spread that rumour or something

**titandestroyer:** it's always him

**strategicpoint:** But what if it's not him?

**titandestroyer:** ...

**titandestroyer:** i'm sure he was still involved in it somehow

**titandestroyer:** maybe he won't have a horseface when i'm done with him :)

**strategicpoint:** Eren...

**strategicpoint:** Maybe you really do have a death wish...

* * *

**hooverdam:** Reiner! I thought I told you not to tell anyone!

**wreckingball:** I'm sorry! I don't know how it got out!

**wreckingball:** I only told Christa...

**hooverdam:** ...who probably told Ymir, who told Annie, who told Connie, who told Sasha, who told everyone...

**wreckingball:** ...forgive me?

**hooverdam:** I dunno...you did break a promise

**wreckingball:** I'll even sing a Miley Cyrus duet with you if you forgive me

**hooverdam:** ...

**hooverdam:** Forgiven :)

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Whoo! That was a fun and quick chapter to write! Thanks to Lady Mari-chan for the prompt :D

And also a big thanks to Peque Saltamontes, Yoruko-Chan, Lil'MissEya, Metropolis pt 1, 26, HarmonyBenderFreak, Ane Momsen, Master of Chimera, Diclonious57, Kamakiri, Gou Tachibana, Yumenekochi, and the anon for the wonderful reviews. You guys really make my weekend :) *time to go study for my psych final now*

I'll be hiding in my study hole now until exams finish this week (can you say MATH AND PHYSICS AYOO). I hope you guys aren't dying too much from finals! If you are, you know where to go ;)

Also as a random note it took me forever to realize that 눈_눈 looks like Levi's face (I know, I'm a bit slow).

친구들아 고마워~


	7. Horseface is a Failure

**Chapter 7: Horseface is a Failure (and a Surrender Monkey)**

**jeanchevaljean:** hey connie

**jeanchevaljean:** wanna have some fun while we're on this expedition?

**fuzzypeaches:** can't we just focus on staying alive?

**fuzzypeaches:** it's hard enough doing that in the first place

**jeanchevaljean:** fine fine

**jeanchevaljean:** we'll do it when we're resting for the night then?

**fuzzypeaches:** sigh okay

* * *

**fuzzypeaches:** so what should we do?

**jeanchevaljean:** i have a plan

**jeanchevaljean:** come meet me by the tents

**fuzzypeaches:** okay...

* * *

_A few minutes, lots of loud thuds and several high-pitched screams later..._

**fuzzypeaches:** FUCK YOU JEAN

**jeanchevaljean:** okay i guess it wasn't a very good idea

**jeanchevaljean:** not my fault all the girls' tents look the same;;

**jeanchevaljean:** but sorry for setting ymir loose on ya

**fuzzypeaches:** you better be sorry fucking asshole ._.

**fuzzypeaches:** i have bruises ON MY BRUISES

**fuzzypeaches:** she thought i was going after her "precious christa"

**fuzzypeaches: **like i'd go near her with that crazy bitch around

**jeanchevaljean:** sorry again connie...

**fuzzypeaches:** you're doing the next one

**fuzzypeaches:** and you have to do exactly as i say

**jeanchevaljean:** fine, whatever floats your boat

**jeanchevaljean:** like there's anything worthwhile floating through your empty head

**fuzzypeaches:** oh really?

**fuzzypeaches: **is that a challenge? :)

* * *

_Several minutes, lots of growling and even higher-pitched screams later..._

**jeanchevaljean:** I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU MADE ME DO THAT

**jeanchevaljean:** you must be a sadistic freak to make me do something like that

**fuzzypeaches:** just payback for sending ymir after me :)

**jeanchevaljean:** I'D RATHER HAVE YMIR AFTER ME THAN A RABID HUNGRY SASHA

**fuzzypeaches:** i'm surprised you even lasted that long

**fuzzypeaches:** after stealing from her secret food stash

**jeanchevaljean:** i know...2 minutes must be a new record

**jeanchevaljean:** ...but how did you know about her food stash?

**fuzzypeaches:** well why not? animals hoard food whenever it's scarce

**fuzzypeaches:** how's sasha any different?

**jeanchevaljean:** i mean

**jeanchevaljean:** how did you know WHERE it was?

**fuzzypeaches:** oh...

**fuzzypeaches:** i stole something from there once cause thomas dared me

**fuzzypeaches:** needless to say, it didn't end well for me

**fuzzypeaches: **that scar on my leg that i said was from a titan?

**fuzzypeaches: **that was actually sasha;;

**jeanchevaljean:** fuck...i can't believe you'd make me go through that

**jeanchevaljean:** even after YOU went through it

**fuzzypeaches:** hey, friendship is all about sharing pain, right?

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** fuck you baldface

**fuzzypeaches:** back at ya horseface

**jeanchevaljean:** wait a second...

**fuzzypeaches:** hmm?

**jeanchevaljean:** aren't we supposed to get revenge on SASHA

**jeanchevaljean:** not on each other?

**fuzzypeaches:** oh yeah...

**jeanchevaljean:** don't worry, i'll come up with something

**fuzzypeaches:** pfft why should i trust you

**fuzzypeaches:** after what happened last time

**jeanchevaljean:** just do it

**jeanchevaljean:** it'll be ready by nightfall :)

* * *

_Several grueling hours of cleaning the campground to Levi's standards later..._

**jeanchevaljean:** yo man you asleep yet

**fuzzypeaches:** nope i'm on lookout duty

**fuzzypeaches:** but i'm about to fall asleep

**jeanchevaljean:** how bout i wake you up ;)

**fuzzypeaches:** how?

**jeanchevaljean:** getting back at sasha

**fuzzypeaches:** oh yeah...i almost forgot

**fuzzypeaches:** you know, i'm kinda starting to like fuzzypeaches

**fuzzypeaches:** can't we just accept the fact that sasha pwned us

**jeanchevaljean:** NO DON'T FALL INTO THE TRAP OF SURRENDERING LIKE THE FRENCH

**jeanchevaljean:** WE MUST GET OUR REVENGE ON POTATO GIRL

**fuzzypeaches:** alright alright calm down horseface

**fuzzypeaches:** what are we gonna do?

**jeanchevaljean: **you'll like this :)

**jeanchevaljean:** i figured out a way to make new accounts on the survey corps network

**fuzzypeaches:** ...no way

**fuzzypeaches:** i never pegged you as a techie

**jeanchevaljean:** well read it and weep

**jeanchevaljean:** i made two new accounts for both of us to use

**jeanchevaljean:** and i named them colossaltitan and armoredtitan

**jeanchevaljean:** guess who they're gonna be talking to ;)

**fuzzypeaches:** ...but isn't sasha gonna know something's up

**fuzzypeaches:** it's not like titans can even text with their giant ass fingers and shit

**jeanchevaljean:** yeah but this is sasha we're talking about

**jeanchevaljean:** miss sometimes i don't even know what's going on in my mind

**fuzzypeaches:** doesn't mean she's dumb shit though

**fuzzypeaches:** but whatever

**fuzzypeaches:** let's do this

**fuzzypeaches:** i call dibs on the colossal

**jeanchevaljean:** is that cause you wanna be TALL XD

**fuzzypeaches:** shut up jean

**fuzzypeaches: **not everyone's vertically blessed like you

**jeanchevaljean:** hey don't blame me for thinking that

**jeanchevaljean:** i mean, even corporal levi's taller than you

**fuzzypeaches:** ONLY BY A LITTLE BIT

**fuzzypeaches:** SHUT UP HORSEFACE

**jeanchevaljean:** fine fine i was just teasing

**jeanchevaljean:** but stop calling me horseface

**fuzzypeaches:** never.

**jeanchevaljean:** ...you fucker

**fuzzypeaches:** you think you'd get used to it by now...

* * *

_potatopotahto started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**potatopotahto:** CONNIE!

**potatopotahto:** i'm bored...let's have some fun

**fuzzypeaches:** why does everyone keep asking me these things ;;

**fuzzypeaches:** and we can't...we're on guard duty, sasha

**potatopotahto:** please?

**potatopotahto:** pretty please?

**fuzzypeaches:** and get my head ripped off by a titan?

**fuzzypeaches: **or even worse, levi?

**fuzzypeaches:** no thanks

**potatopotahto:** :(

**potatopotahto:** you're no fun

**fuzzypeaches:** i know :)

* * *

_armoredtitan started a conversation with colossal titan and potatopotahto._

**armoredtitan:** ...

**colossaltitan:** ...

**potatopotahto:** huh?

**potatopotahto:** who is this?

**armoredtitan:** ...

**armoredtitan:** hey how you doin' lil mama lemme whisper in yo ear

**colossaltitan:** tell ya somethin' that ya might like to hear

**armoredtitan:** got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft

**potatopotahto:** JUST WAIT TIL YOU SEE MY DICK

**potatopotahto:** WHOOOO

**colossaltitan:** O.o

**potatopotahto:** i don't know who you guys are

**potatopotahto:** but you two are pretty funny XD

* * *

**fuzzypeaches:** WHAT DO WE DO JEAN?

**fuzzypeaches:** she foiled plan a

**fuzzypeaches:** typical sasha style!

**jeanchevaljean:** okay calm down

**jeanchevaljean:** i've got plan b down

**jeanchevaljean:** cool, calm and collected, kay?

* * *

**potatopotahto:** hey where'd you guys go?

**potatopotahto:** you guys got some weird names

**potatopotahto:** but you guys seem pretty cool :)

**armoredtitan:** um thanks?

**armoredtitan:** but why aren't you scared of us?

**potatopotahto:** what do you mean?

**colossaltitan:** i mean, i am the colossal titan

**colossaltitan:** i'm taller than the walls

**armoredtitan:** and i broke through wall maria

**potatopotahto:** psssh no you didn't

**armoredtitan:** are you trying to mock us

**potatopotahto:** ummm

**potatopotahto:** what are you trying to say?

**colossaltitan:** why don't you explain puny human

**potatopotahto:** okay

**potatopotahto:** first of all

**potatopotahto:** there's no way titans could get access to the survey corps network

**potatopotahto:** secondly

**potatopotahto:** titans can't even text with their giant ass fingers

**armoredtitan:** well maybe we're titan shifters

**armoredtitan:** never thought about that huh?

**potatopotahto:** hmm i suppose so

**potatopotahto:** but i'm not worried cause you guys are harmless :)

**potatopotahto:** i know it's you two

**potatopotahto:** jean and connie :)

**potatopotahto: **NICE TRY BRAS

* * *

**jeanchevaljean:** FUCK

**fuzzypeaches:** HOW DID SHE KNOW

**jeanchevaljean:** I DON'T KNOW

**jeanchevaljean:** i thought no one could figure it out;;

**fuzzypeaches:** is she psychic or something?

**potatopotahto:** nope

**potatopotahto:** you guys are just dumbasses

**potatopotahto:** messaging each other on one of our old convos :)

**fuzzypeaches:** jean...

**fuzzypeaches:** YOU'RE AN IDIOT

**fuzzypeaches:** A COMPLETE FAILURE

**jeanchevaljean:** okay i have to admit i deserve that T^T

**jeanchevaljean:** goddamn it sasha

**jeanchevaljean:** why can't you just let us have our fun

**potatopotahto:** cause i'm a girl ;)

**potatopotahto:** btw i left a present outside your tent

**potatopotahto:** hope you enjoy :)

**jeanchevaljean:** eh? okay then...

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** fuck you potato girl

**jeanchevaljean:** why did you have to draw googly eyes on it

**jeanchevaljean:** now i can't eat it

**fuzzypeaches:** huh? what did you give him sasha?

**potatopotahto:** a potato with a face :)

**potatopotahto:** you should be honoured

**potatopotahto:** it comes from my sacred secret stash

**potatopotahto:** the one you tried to steal from, mind you

**jeanchevaljean:** whatever...

**jeanchevaljean:** but thanks, sasha

**potatopotahto:** no problem jean :)

**fuzzypeaches:** do i get one too?

**potatopotahto:** i'll be there in a couple min :)

* * *

_breakingthefourthwall started a conversation with overthefourthwall, climbingthefourthwall and potatopotahto._

**breakingthefourthwall:** Sasha

**breakingthefourthwall:** are you on patrol duty?

**potatopotahto:** yes...but who is this?

**breakingthefourthwall:** to you, your worst nightmare

**potatopotahto:** sigh...you guys are really trying to continue this?

**potatopotahto:** it's not funny when i obviously know it's you two

**overthefourthwall:** Wait...you know who we are?

**potatopotahto:** isn't it obvious?

**breakingthefourthwall: **It's obvious...?

**overthefourthwall:** ...we've been found out

**overthefourthwall:** CODE RED CODE RED

**overthefourthwall:** we need to let her know that we've been identified

**breakingthefourthwall:** Right.

**climbingthefourthwall:** Eh? What's happening?

**breakingthefourthwall:** She knows who we are. It's time to take action.

**climbingthefourthwall:** Sigh...fine

**potatopotahto:** you guys are getting better at this

**potatopotahto:** you might even be fooling me

**climbingthefourthwall:** What the fuck is she talking about

**breakingthefourthwall:** Well, we always knew she was nuts anyway.

**potatopotahto:** HEY

**potatopotahto:** I RESENT THAT

* * *

**potatopotahto:** really you guys

**potatopotahto:** can you stop the act already

**potatopotahto:** i already gave you guys potatoes for god's sake

**jeanchevaljean:** eh?

**fuzzypeaches:** umm what are you talking about?

**potatopotahto:** there are three random people texting me in a convo

**potatopotahto:** and they are making absolutely no sense

**fuzzypeaches:** but we stopped texting you after you gave us the potatoes

**jeanchevaljean:** what are their names?

**potatopotahto:** overthefourthwall, breakingthefourthwall and climbingthefourthwall

**jeanchevaljean:** ...what the fuck is up with their names

**fuzzypeaches:** and what's the fourth wall?

**potatopotahto:** if i KNEW i would TELL you

**fuzzypeaches:** geez sasha

**fuzzypeaches:** quit being so sassy

**potatopotahto:** I'LL BE SASSY ALL I WANT WHEN I'M SLEEP DEPRIVED KAY

**potatopotahto:** ...

**potatopotahto:** oh my god

**potatopotahto:** am i really that sleep deprived?

**potatopotahto:** i must be hallucinating

**jeanchevaljean:** what is it?

**fuzzypeaches:** what's that giant explosion?

**fuzzypeaches:** did eren accidentally titan shift in his sleep or something

**potatopotahto:** ...

**potatopotahto:** colossal titan

**potatopotahto:** in front of me

**potatopotahto:** COLOSSAL TITAN

**potatopotahto:** AND THE ARMORED TITAN

**potatopotahto:** AND THE FEMALE TITAN

**jeanchevaljean:** what the fuck-

* * *

**Author's Notes**

Whoooo nice way to end the chapter. Don't worry, nobody (important) will die in this fanfic, so calm your horses.

On a happier note, I'm finally done my finals! I gave my physics final the almighty finger as I left the gym in pure bliss. In fact, I was so happy that I totally forgot to update yesterday! Oops! Which is why I'll add a little short with Jean and Connie at the end of my author's note to make up for you wonderful people!

On an even happier note: 72 FOLLOWERS, 56 FAVOURITES, 60 REVIEWS, AND A BUNCH OF FAVOURITING MYSELF? I don't know how, but I must have done something right for you guys to really like TFSC 3 Lots of love and thanks to Gemini Wonderland, tsukuneXmoka, titan scientist (awesome name btw), 26, TheWriterWhoDreams, gaberr, Peque Saltamontes, Lady Mari-chan, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Diclonious57, Cyanical, and all the anons for the reviews :)

友よありがとう!

^Correct me if the Japanese is wrong - I tried to minimize the translation errors by going from Korean to Japanese but you never know with Google Translate. I tried translating it from English first, but it ended up saying something like "Thank you for giving me friends" XD.

And on to the comedic duo!

* * *

_Connie's asking for a death wish. Or maybe he's just a dimwit. Perhaps it's both._

**fuzzypeaches:** hey jean

**jeanchevaljean:** eh?

**jeanchevaljean:** what is it?

**fuzzypeaches:** you remember that text about surrendering like the french?

**jeanchevaljean:** oh yeah

**jeanchevaljean:** i'm surprised you didn't know that

**jeanchevaljean:** the french are notorious for being surrender monkeys

**jeanchevaljean:** that and being angry and protesting and striking everything in general

**jeanchevaljean:** what about it?

**fuzzypeaches:** then you're a surrender monkey too!

**fuzzypeaches:** cause you're french

**jeanchevaljean:** ...

**jeanchevaljean:** BALDFACE I AM HALF FRENCH

**jeanchevaljean:** DO YOU NOT SEE MY GERMAN LAST NAME

**jeanchevaljean:** KIRSCHSTEIN

**jeanchevaljean:** DOES THAT SOUND FUCKING FRENCH TO YOU

**fuzzypeaches:** wow you really are french

**jeanchevaljean:** HALF FRENCH

**fuzzypeaches:** so you're half a surrender monkey then?

* * *

I promise to update soon :)


	8. Eren is a Snitch

**Chapter 8: Eren is a Snitch**

_strategicpoint started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**strategicpoint: **Hey Eren where are you?

**strategicpoint: **I haven't seen you since we barely escaped from the three titans...

**titandestroyer: **don't worry armin, i'm alive

**titandestroyer: **they've just holed me in the dungeon again

**titandestroyer: **just in case the titans come back and try to capture me again

**strategicpoint: **Again? Do they really think that's the best place to hide you?

**titandestroyer: **i guess so...

**titandestroyer: **i mean, if the titans wanna get me, they'll have to be in human form

**titandestroyer: **and they'll be a bit less dangerous then

**strategicpoint: **Just a bit...

**titandestroyer: **yeah :P

**titandestroyer: **i understand why they did it

**titandestroyer: **but i'm just REALLY bored right now

**titandestroyer: **i feel like my mind's going loopy being in isolation

**titandestroyer: **can't they at least leave a book in here for me to read?

**strategicpoint: **Eren

**strategicpoint: **You really are going crazy right now

**titandestroyer: **what's the problem

**strategicpoint: **You can't read...

**titandestroyer: **oh right...almost forgot

**strategicpoint: **This is getting serious

**strategicpoint: **Darn they won't let me visit you...

**titandestroyer: **what?

**titandestroyer: **they won't even let goodie two shoes visit?

**strategicpoint: **Eren, I'm a shota, not a nun.

**strategicpoint: **Maybe I can sneak in with Mikasa tomorrow

**titandestroyer: **knowing her, i'm sure you can

**strategicpoint: **Haha good point :)

**strategicpoint: **Well, I'll make sure that we'll be there before noon

**strategicpoint: **Try and get some sleep while you're stuck in there

**strategicpoint: **Heavens knows you need a lot after constantly titan shifting

**titandestroyer: **yeah

**titandestroyer: **i suppose so

**strategicpoint: **See you tomorrow Eren :)

**titandestroyer: **bye armin

* * *

Eren groaned as he leaned against the cold concrete wall on his dingy and uncomfortable cot. Sleeping was out of the question, especially because his mind was replaying yesterday night's events. He had somehow survived and escaped the three most hated Titans. Who knew that those three would work together just to capture him?

Although Eren was glad that he was in his dungeon cell because it guaranteed his safety, he had way too much free time to think about the soldiers that the Titans had killed in cold blood. _Crunch, snap, crackle, pop_. Yup, way too much free time on his hands.

_Maybe I'll distract myself by texting everyone else. I have to get this out of my mind or else I'm going to go crazy._

The brunette awkwardly picked up his phone with his cuffed hands (if they were "protecting" Eren, why was he handcuffed?) and randomly began texting one of his friends.

* * *

_titandestroyer started a conversation with potatopotahto._

**titandestroyer: **hey sasha

**titandestroyer: **what you up to

**potatopotahto: **oh not much :)

**potatopotahto: **just eating dinner

**titandestroyer: **potatoes and bread?

**potatopotahto: **and radish soup

**potatopotahto: **how'd you know?

**potatopotahto: **ARE YOU PSYCHIC

**titandestroyer: **no...we eat it for dinner every night

**potatopotahto: **oh right LOL

**potatopotahto: **btw how's prison?

**titandestroyer: **it's not prison!

**titandestroyer: **it's a holding cell

**titandestroyer: **there's a difference

**potatopotahto: **eren

**potatopotahto: **all i know is that you're behind bars

**potatopotahto: **and probably handcuffed too

**potatopotahto: **if that's not a prison

**potatopotahto: **then i don't know what is

**titandestroyer: **...btw how'd you know?

**potatopotahto: **...cause that's what always happens to you?

**potatopotahto: **XD

**titandestroyer: **haha

**titandestroyer: **very funny sasha

**potatopotahto: **i know right? ;)

* * *

Great. Even Sasha was messing with him too. But since he was already behind bars, why not stir things up a bit? A plan started to form in Eren's mind as he grinned like a madman. At least they wouldn't be able to maul him if he got them really mad.

* * *

**titandestroyer: **btw sasha

**titandestroyer: **i was gonna tell you yesterday

**titandestroyer: **but then the titans came

**potatopotahto: **what is it eren?

**titandestroyer: **jean took your favourite pair of mittens

**potatopotahto: **what?

**potatopotahto: **no way

**potatopotahto: **how do you know this?

**titandestroyer: **cause i heard him bragging about it to connie yesterday

**potatopotahto: **that bastard...

**potatopotahto: **and after trying to steal from my food stash too...

* * *

_titandestroyer started a conversation with jeanchevaljean._

**titandestroyer: **hey jean

**titandestroyer: **i just wanted to let you know

**titandestroyer: **that connie was the one who put glue on your pillow

**jeanchevaljean: **wait what O.o

**titandestroyer: **and btw sasha is hunting you down right now

**jeanchevaljean: **BUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZED FOR STEALING HER FOOD

**titandestroyer: **it's for her mittens this time

**jeanchevaljean: **oh shit

**jeanchevaljean: **you little snitch

**jeanchevaljean: **i don't even have them anymore

**titandestroyer: **who said i was the one who told her?

**jeanchevaljean: **cause i know you bastard

**titandestroyer: **better find them horseface :)

* * *

_titandestroyer started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**titandestroyer: **yo connie

**fuzzypeaches: **what up dawg

**fuzzypeaches: **btw do you know why jean and sasha suddenly left the mess hall

**fuzzypeaches: **they just booked it outta there

**titandestroyer: **uh no

**fuzzypeaches: **you're lying

**fuzzypeaches: **but what is it?

**titandestroyer: **jean knows you're the one who put glue on his pillow

**fuzzypeaches: **shit you're kidding me

**titandestroyer: **you might wanna go visit marco if you don't want horseface strangling you

**fuzzypeaches: **okay thanks for the save eren

**titandestroyer: **but the thing is

**titandestroyer: **marco was the one who ate your cupcake the day before yesterday

**fuzzypeaches: **WHAT

**fuzzypeaches: **I WAS LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR THAT SHIT

**fuzzypeaches: **you know what eren

**fuzzypeaches: **i take that back

**fuzzypeaches: **now you're just torturing me

* * *

Eren grinned as he shut off his phone. The flames had been ignited.

* * *

_potatopotahto started a conversation with jeanchevaljean._

**potatopotahto: **oh jeannn

**potatopotahto: **where are youuu

**potatopotahto: **i need to talk to youuu

**jeanchevaljean: **fuck like i'm gonna tell you

**potatopotahto: **but i just want to talk to you :)

**jeanchevaljean: **nuh uh

**jeanchevaljean: **you know about the mittens

**jeanchevaljean: **you're gonna kill me

**potatopotahto: **you're right

**potatopotahto: **i am

**potatopotahto: **but who told you about that?

**jeanchevaljean: **who do you think?

**jeanchevaljean: **titan freak obviously

**jeanchevaljean: **btw do you know where connie is?

**potatopotahto: **uh no...why?

**jeanchevaljean: **apparently connie was the one who put glue on my pillow

**potatopotahto: **HA

**potatopotahto: **is that why your hair looks so funny now XDD

**jeanchevaljean: **shut up potato girl

**potatopotahto: **i don't know where he is

**potatopotahto: **but why don't you ask him ;)

_potatopotahto added fuzzypeaches to the conversation._

**potatopotahto: **hey connie, what's up :)

**fuzzypeaches: **...

**fuzzypeaches: **WHY SASHA WHY

**fuzzypeaches: **jean's trying to kill me right now

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah i am

**jeanchevaljean: **i can't believe it was you this entire time

**jeanchevaljean: **actually i can believe it

**fuzzypeaches: **great just great

**fuzzypeaches: **now i gotta hide from you guys and find marco at the same time

**potatopotahto: **huh?

**jeanchevaljean: **why marco?

**fuzzypeaches: **he ate my red velvet cupcake from a couple days ago

**fuzzypeaches: **UNFORGIVEABLE

**jeanchevaljean: **uhh...are you sure marco ate it?

**jeanchevaljean: **cause that doesn't really sound like him

**potatopotahto: **he is called freckled jesus for a reason

**fuzzypeaches: **but eren told me!

**jeanchevaljean: **eren...

**potatopotahto: **eren...

**fuzzypeaches: **huh? what?

**jeanchevaljean: **this is all his fault eh

**jeanchevaljean: **is he that bored in prison

**potatopotahto: **according to him it's a holding cell

**jeanchevaljean: **NOBODY FUCKING CARES

**jeanchevaljean: **come on guys

**jeanchevaljean: **it's time to teach eren not to fuck with us

**fuzzypeaches: **HELL YEAH

**jeanchevaljean: **but you're still going down for the glue, bastard

**fuzzypeaches: **shit

**potatopotahto: **you too jean

**jeanchevaljean: **sigh...

* * *

_mikasassasin started a conversation with strategicpoint._

**mikasassasin: **Be careful while you're walking, Armin.

**strategicpoint: **...

**strategicpoint: **Mikasa, we're right next to each other.

**strategicpoint: **You don't need to text me

**strategicpoint: **...unless someone's following us?

**mikasassasin: **Yes.

**mikasassasin: **Maybe they're trying to find Eren or something.

**strategicpoint: **We won't let them, right?

**mikasassasin: **Obviously :1

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **fuck

**fuzzypeaches: **RUN

**fuzzypeaches: **mikasa and armin got me T^T

**jeanchevaljean: **got it

**jeanchevaljean: **thanks for being the scapegoat

**fuzzypeaches: **wait what?

**fuzzypeaches: **JEAN YOU HORSEFACE

* * *

_marcopolo started a conversation with jeanchevaljean._

**marcopolo: **Hey Jean...are you okay?

**marcopolo: **I heard what happened to you

**jeanchevaljean: **no...sigh

**jeanchevaljean: **my head still hurts from the pounding levi gave me

**marcopolo: **Why were you even in the prison anyway?

**jeanchevaljean: **holding cell

**marcopolo: **Huh?

**jeanchevaljean: **it's a holding cell

**jeanchevaljean: **but anyways

**jeanchevaljean: **i was planning to beat the shit out of eren

**jeanchevaljean: **for trying to screw me, connie, sasha and you over

**jeanchevaljean: **just cause he was bored;;

**marcopolo: **Me?

**jeanchevaljean: **uh yeah

**jeanchevaljean: **apparently you were the one who took connie's cupcake?

**marcopolo: **Oh that

**jeanchevaljean: **don't tell me you actually took it O.O

**marcopolo: **No that was Eren.

**jeanchevaljean: **that bastard

**jeanchevaljean: **i would have gotten away with it too

**marcopolo: **But what about Mikasa and Armin?

**jeanchevaljean: **i used connie as bait to lead them away

**jeanchevaljean: **and i was THIS close

**jeanchevaljean: **but guess who happened to be there in front of eren's cell

**jeanchevaljean: **CORPORAL FUCKING LEVI

**jeanchevaljean: **and i accidentally crashed into him too cause i didn't expect him to be there

**marcopolo: **...you have to be more careful

**marcopolo: **I'm surprised you're still alive

**jeanchevaljean: **me too...

* * *

**Author's Note**

I'm surprised Jean is still alive too...anyways sorry for the late update. I just happened to get SICK DURING WINTER BREAK OTL I WAS VERY MISERABLE. The only thing that got me through last week was watching Death Note (now I understand why people love it so much cause it's just the kind of psycho story that I crave). But now that I'm better, a Christmas special will be coming soon. I'm sure you guys can guess what it will be. (Hint: it's someone's birthday!)

Lots of thanks to Gemini Wonderland, HarmonyBenderFreak, Yoruko-Chan, Buntaichou, Master of Chimera, Eventide Angel, CherryChip, TheWriterWhoDreams, Diclonious57, Tennu, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, and anon for the reviews :)

On a side note, if you want to give your abs a good workout, watch Rage Quit - Surgeon Simulator 2013 on Youtube. You might even hyperventilate by the end of the video (at least that's what happened to me anyway XD) Also, if you want to know why I keep mentioning the damn holding cell, watch 50% Off (also on Youtube as well), especially if you're a Free fan :)

Gracias mes amigos!


	9. Erwin's Great at Planning Parties, Eh?

**Chapter 9: Erwin's Great at Planning Parties, Eh?**

_erwinsmith started a conversation with humanitystrongest and titanscientist._

**erwinsmith: **Levi

**humanitystrongest: **Yeah Erwin?

**erwinsmith: **Can you let your squad know that we're having a small Christmas party?

**erwinsmith: **I think everyone needs a little break from the titans

**humanitystrongest: **Whatever, sure.

**erwinsmith: **Thanks Levi.

**humanitystrongest: **Doesn't mean I'm going though.

**erwinsmith: **Levi...

**humanitystrongest: **I know what you and Hanji are up to

**humanitystrongest: **And the answer is no.

**titanscientist: **Levi! You party pooper :(

**humanitystrongest: **:( yourself

**humanitystrongest: **Me surviving another year is nothing to celebrate about.

**titanscientist: **Yes it is!

**humanitystrongest: **No.

**titanscientist: **Yes!

**humanitystrongest: **No.

**erwinsmith: **Sigh...Hanji let him be.

**erwinsmith: **We won't make it your birthday party then.

**titanscientist: **We'll make it Isaac Newton's birthday party then!

**titanscientist: **That man was a genius 3

**erwinsmith: **Hanji...

**erwinsmith: **Just come to the Christmas party and have a good time.

**humanitystrongest: **Tempting...

**humanitystrongest: **But I bet it'll end up being my birthday party anyway

**humanitystrongest: **I'm not going

**humanitystrongest: **And that's that.

_humanitystrongest left the conversation._

**titanscientist: **...

**titanscientist: **Well fuck

**titanscientist: **He doesn't even want to celebrate gravity

**titanscientist: **What are we supposed to do now, Erwin?

**erwinsmith: **...I'll think of something.

**erwinsmith: **Levi's not getting away with it this time after all these years...

* * *

_hrgoddess started a conversation with ymirror, potatopotahto, fuzzypeaches, jeanchevaljean, freckledjesus, titandestroyer, mikasassasin, strategicpoint, wreckingball, hooverdam and lionheart._

**hrgoddess: **Hey guys! Ready for the Christmas party this year?!

**potatopotahto: **OMG YES :D

**potatopotahto: **CAN WE DO SECRET SANTA

**potatopotahto: **PLEASE?

**lionheart: **Let's not

**lionheart: **None of us have enough money to buy someone something

**lionheart: **Not that there's anything to buy

**hrgoddess: **Anniee

**hrgoddess: **It's not about buying gifts

**hrgoddess: **It's about giving something meaningful to the other

**hrgoddess: **As long as it's something from the heart, it doesn't matter whether it cost money or not :)

**fuzzypeaches: **amen to that!

**titandestroyer: **so are we doing secret santa or not?

**titandestroyer: **i'm game if we do :)

**mikasassasin: **Me too

**strategicpoint: **Me three :)

**jeanchevaljean: **me four

**wreckingball: **me five

**fuzzypeaches: **me six

**freckledjesus: **Seven!

**hooverdam: **Eight

**ymirror: **nine

**potatopotahto: **and ten!

**hrgoddess: **It's settled then :)

**hrgoddess: **Annie, if you don't want to do Secret Santa, do you want to draw the people then?

**lionheart: **...sure.

**hrgoddess: **Thanks :D

**hrgoddess: **Okay next thing!

**hrgoddess: **According to Hanji, it's going to be Isaac Newton's birthday party!

**hrgoddess:** And also Corporal Levi's birthday party!

**jeanchevaljean: **what?

**ymirror: **it means his birthday's on christmas

**wreckingball: **You're kidding me...

**titandestroyer: **the corporal's birthday is dec 25?

**ymirror: **that's what i just said you morons...

**hrgoddess: **But anyways, he won't come to his own party

**fuzzypeaches: **i wonder why...

**strategicpoint: **Probably cause Hanji's in charge of it

**strategicpoint: **With her he'd probably end up growing a third arm or something

**hrgoddess: **Haha but nope! Even Commander Erwin can't get him to come

**jeanchevaljean: **O.O

**jeanchevaljean: **and what makes you think that a bunch of rookies

**jeanchevaljean: **would be able to convince mr clean to come to his own birthday party

**jeanchevaljean: **when even his superior can't?

**titandestroyer: **with skill, jean

**titandestroyer: **something you don't have :)

**jeanchevaljean: **you are really fucking messed up eren

**mikasassasin: **Jean...

**jeanchevaljean: **i'm sorry mikasa

**jeanchevaljean: **but he set me, connie and sasha loose on each other

**jeanchevaljean: **just cause he was bored in his prison cell

**jeanchevaljean: **I'M SORRY I MEAN THE FUCKING HOLDING CELL

**titandestroyer: **actually

**titandestroyer: **i only did it cause YOU CALLED ME A MORON FOR WANTING TO KILL THE TITANS

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah i did

**jeanchevaljean: **for wanting to kill the titans in a suicidal way

**ymirror: **are you boys done

**ymirror: **or do i have to smash your heads together

**ymirror: **to get you two to shut the fuck up

**titandestroyer: **...

**jeanchevaljean: **...

**ymirror: **christa hurry up before they start yacking again

**hrgoddess: **Um okay?

**hrgoddess: **So the commander says he has a plan

**hrgoddess: **But he needs our help

**hrgoddess: **Agree to this?

* * *

_A few days later on Christmas Eve..._

_strategicpoint started a conversation with humanitystrongest._

**strategicpoint: **Corporal Levi!

**humanitystrongest: **What is it, Arlert?

**strategicpoint: **A couple soldiers spotted an Aberrant coming right towards our headquarters!

**humanitystrongest: **You're kidding me...on Christmas Eve...

**strategicpoint: **What do we do?

**humanitystrongest: **I don't see or hear any titan...

**strategicpoint: **Didn't you just hear that roar?

**humanitystrongest: **...

**humanitystrongest: **Yes I did

**humanitystrongest: **It sounds a bit familiar though for some reason...

**strategicpoint: **There's no time to reminisce! What do we do, Corporal?

**humanitystrongest: **Sigh...

**humanitystrongest: **I'll give the order for everyone to get ready.

**humanitystrongest: **Thank you for alerting me Arlert.

**strategicpoint: **Yes sir!

* * *

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with erwinsmith and titanscientist._

**humanitystrongest: **Do you two know about the Aberrant that's heading our way?

**erwinsmith: **Yes, one of the messengers told me a minute ago.

**titanscientist: **Same here.

**titanscientist: **It's like they're doing it on purpose...

**titanscientist: **Can't they leave just one day to ourselves?

**humanitystrongest: **The titans wait for no one Hanji

**erwinsmith: **Agreed. Let's hurry before another one decides to come.

* * *

_titanscientist started a conversation with erwinsmith._

**titanscientist: **Do you think he bought it?

**erwinsmith: **He'd better. I didn't spend an afternoon planning with the damn hyperactive rookies for nothing.

**titanscientist: **Damn...I didn't think I'd ever hear a nasty word out of you :O

**erwinsmith: **When those hyperactive teens are either yelling and threatening to strangle each other or trying to make out in the corner, it's easy to lose your temper...

**titanscientist: **Point taken

* * *

_marcopolo started a conversation with humanitystrongest._

**marcopolo: **Corporal, sir! The Aberrant is headed toward the castle!

**humanitystrongest: **I hear it...but why don't I see it?

**humanitystrongest: **Aberrants usually run pretty fast, don't they...

**marcopolo: **Um I think it'll be here soon

* * *

**erwinsmith: **Everyone, emergency meeting in the main hall of the castle NOW.

**erwinsmith: **Hurry before the Aberrant comes.

**erwinsmith: **I think there will be more coming.

**titanscientist: **Roger

**humanitystrongest: **Okay

* * *

_Several hours later..._

**erwinsmith: **So Levi, how's your headache coming along?

**humanitystrongest: **Fuck you

**humanitystrongest: **I can't believe you made the brat titan shift and pretend to be an Aberrant

**humanitystrongest: **No wonder I couldn't see one anywhere

**erwinsmith: **I figured that was the only way I could get you to come

**titanscientist: **See, this would have been so much easier

**titanscientist: **If you would come quietly to your birthday party

**titanscientist: **That Braus girl even baked you a cake :)

**humanitystrongest: **I don't like cake

**humanitystrongest: **It's too sweet

**titanscientist: **But you ate it anyway :)

**humanitystrongest: **By shoving it into my face

**humanitystrongest: **Filthy and disgusting

**titanscientist: **:)

**humanitystrongest: **Sigh...you two are terrible

**humanitystrongest: **...but thank you for the gifts

**humanitystrongest: **I appreciate it

**erwinsmith: **We figured you would.

**erwinsmith: **I had to buy the bleach from an industrial facility, and I had to endure the weird looks everyone gave me.

**humanitystrongest: **How touching...

**erwinsmith: **I can almost taste the sarcasm, Levi.

**humanitystrongest: **Good.

**humanitystrongest: **Meanwhile I'm going to try and rest off whatever the fuck was in that drink

**humanitystrongest: **What kind of shit was that

**titanscientist: **Your shit

**titanscientist: **JKJK :D

**titanscientist: **Umm a mix of Jagermeister, beer and vodka

**titanscientist: **I believe it's called a Turbo Jagerbomb.

**humanitystrongest: **...what the fucking hell

**humanitystrongest: **Where the fuck did you get the vodka from

**erwinsmith: **Long story.

**humanitystrongest: **Okay, definitely not sketchy as fuck.

**humanitystrongest: **At least I didn't have enough to be flat ass drunk

**titanscientist: **Erwin I think we should let him rest

**titanscientist: **He's getting more mouthy

**erwinsmith: **Good idea, Hanji. Have a good rest Levi.

**humanitystrongest:** Wait a minute

_titanscientist and erwinsmith left the conversation._

**humanitystrongest: **...fuck.

**humanitystrongest: **What happened...

* * *

_titanscientist started a conversation with erwinsmith._

**titanscientist: **Do we tell him

**titanscientist: **Or should he find out on his own?

**erwinsmith: **Don't tell him.

**erwinsmith: **Hopefully Levi will never find out...

* * *

_strategicpoint started a conversation with titandestroyer and mikasassasin._

**strategicpoint: **Merry Christmas guys!

**mikasassasin: **Merry Christmas to you too :)

**titandestroyer: **you too guys :)

**strategicpoint: **Wow Eren

**strategicpoint: **Were you my Secret Santa?

**titandestroyer: **yup!

**titandestroyer: **do you like it?

**strategicpoint: **Yes! It's a beautiful book :')

**strategicpoint: **Where'd you get it from?

**strategicpoint: **Books are hard to come by these days

**titandestroyer: **um...a shop

**strategicpoint: **What shop? I should go by there sometime :D

**titandestroyer: **err...long story

**strategicpoint: **It's called Long Story? That's a pretty cool name

**titandestroyer: **sure...let's go with that

**titandestroyer: **what about you mikasa?

**mikasassasin: **I don't know who I got it from

**mikasassasin: **But it's a homemade pin with the Survey Corps logo on it

**strategicpoint: **That's really cool! I can't believe someone actually made one

**strategicpoint: **What about you, Eren?

**titandestroyer: **i don't know

**titandestroyer: **i haven't opened it yet

**strategicpoint: **Well hurry up!

**titandestroyer: **kay kay

**titandestroyer: **...

**titandestroyer: **wtf

**mikasassasin: **?

**mikasassasin: **What is it Eren?

**titandestroyer: **it's...a pair of pink mittens

**titandestroyer: **with a note that says "she'll be coming after you soon"

**strategicpoint: **Who's "she"?

**titandestroyer: **does it look like i know...

**titandestroyer: **OH SHIT

**titandestroyer: **i know who it is

**titandestroyer: **talk to you guys later

**mikasassasin: **What's happening?

**titandestroyer: **i gotta run before i get mauled!

**mikasassasin: **Eren!

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**jeanchevaljean: **i can't believe you were the ones who took sasha's mittens from me

**jeanchevaljean: **you had me freaked out for over a week;;

**fuzzypeaches: **sorry dude

**fuzzypeaches: **but at least it's being put to good use now eh?

**jeanchevaljean: **haha yes...

* * *

**Author's Note**

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you guys are eating lots of delicious food and spending time with family :)

Lots and lots of thanks to hellraven-ovo, Peque Saltamontes, HarmonyBenderFreak, Tennu, Gemini Wonderland, AmIObsessed, Yoruko-Chan, Diclonious57, Gou Tachibana, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Buntaichou, yourreluctanthero, Confused reader, Cutiepiepo2, and Seseorang for the reviews :3 And thank you HarmonyBenderFreak for mentioning that Dec 25 is also Isaac Newton's birthday :D

And a message to Confused reader: AHAHAHAHAHAHA CONGRATS FOR BEING THE FIRST PERSON TO NOTICE. I was wondering how long it would take people to notice that Eren can't read, yet can read the texts XD For the sake of this fanfic, let's pretend that this plot hole doesn't exist and keep going on with our lives :)

I'll also send you a little video for Christmas: watch the New IKEA advert 2013 - Time for Change Music Video. There was a comment that compared SNK to this video (and you'll see why XD).

As another side note, if you were confused in Chapter 6 about Sasha's "WAIT TILL YOU SEE MY DICK", search up Wait Eren on Youtube. And then Wait Rei for the Free version.

Finally, my little Christmas gift to you guys: I'll add in another short. Enjoy and have a great holiday!

* * *

Levi finds out what happened last night after the Jagerbombs.

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**humanitystrongest: **Jaeger

**titandestroyer: **yes corporal?

**humanitystrongest: **Promise to tell the truth, okay?

**humanitystrongest: **Whatever I ask you

**titandestroyer: **err why sir?

**humanitystrongest: **Just do it before I chuck you into the holding cell again

**titandestroyer: **um okay...

**titandestroyer: **so what is it?

**humanitystrongest: **What exactly did I do yesterday night?

**titandestroyer: **O.o

**titandestroyer: **i can't say

**humanitystrongest: **You promised brat.

**titandestroyer: **i've been ordered not to tell anyone

**humanitystrongest: **Jaeger

**humanitystrongest: **If you don't tell me this instant

**humanitystrongest: **I will make you clean the entire castle

**humanitystrongest: **BY YOURSELF

**humanitystrongest: **WITHOUT the industrial grade bleach

**humanitystrongest: **Do you really want to deal with that torture?

**titandestroyer: **OKAY OKAY I'LL TELL YOU

**titandestroyer: **you got pretty drunk

**humanitystrongest: **I know that you little shit

**titandestroyer: **then you stood up on the table

**titandestroyer: **and declared yourself the cleaning god

**titandestroyer: **and that everyone should bow down before you

**humanitystrongest: **...well fuck

**titandestroyer: **that's not all

**titandestroyer: **you also

**humanitystrongest: **That's good Jaeger.

**humanitystrongest: **I don't need to know anymore

**titandestroyer: **but corporal

_humanitystrongest left the conversation._

**titandestroyer: **you also took out a whip...


	10. The Impossible Game (and Bert's Sweat)

**Chapter 10: The Impossible Game (and Bertholdt's Sweat)**

_titanscientist started a conversation with fuzzypeaches, hooverdam, hrgoddess, jeanchevaljean, lionheart, marcopolo, mikasassasin, potatopotahto, strategicpoint, titandestroyer, wreckingball and ymirror._

**titanscientist: **Guess what, my dearies of the 104th legion?

**titanscientist: **The tech guys have come up with a virtual simulator for employing titan-killing strategies!

**titanscientist: **You'll be controlling an avatar of yourself, and using the 3DMG and surrounding buildings or trees

**titanscientist: **You have to kill the nearby titans!

**titanscientist: **They'll start up several games, which will each have 2-3 people playing

**titanscientist: **I look forward to seeing how you soldiers do :)

* * *

_wreckingball started a conversation with hooverdam and lionheart._

**wreckingball: **You guys want to be partners for the titan sim?

**hooverdam: **Sure, Reiner.

**lionheart: **Okay

* * *

_A couple hours later..._

**wreckingball: **I think we should plan out a strategy before going for the titans.

**lionheart: **Don't we just have to follow whatever strategy the captains give us

**lionheart: **It's that simple...

**wreckingball: **Come on Annie!

**wreckingball: **Let's try and think outside the box!

**wreckingball: **I want to look good in front of them

**lionheart: **Why?

**lionheart: **Looking for a promotion?

**lionheart: **Like that'll ever happen once they find out who you are

**hooverdam: **Annie! Not so loud!

**lionheart: **Bertholdt, we're texting, not yelling

**lionheart: **And why not

**lionheart: **No one knows anyway

**hooverdam: **But you guys can get careless...

**hooverdam: **I feel like they already know who we are...

**lionheart: **Stop being such a paranoid sissy

**lionheart: **Sometimes I can't believe you're the-

**wreckingball: **Let's start, shall we?

* * *

**titanscientist: **Okay soldiers!

**titanscientist: **I hope you're ready to start the simulation soon.

**titanscientist: **Get started on customizing the settings to your preference.

**titanscientist: **Make sure you're on the training map on normal setting.

**titanscientist: **We'll be starting in five minutes.

* * *

**wreckingball: **It's called Attack on Titan Tribute Game?

**wreckingball: **Interesting...

**lionheart: **You know what's not interesting?

**lionheart:** The amount of fucks I give for this pointless game

**lionheart: **And the amount of fucking options there are on this damn thing

**hooverdam: **Oh my God

**hooverdam: **How am I supposed to remember all the keys for jump, dodge, left hook, right hook

**hooverdam: **BOTH HOOKS

**hooverdam: **Lock, attack, special attack, salute, flare red, flare green and flare black?

**hooverdam: **WHY

**wreckingball: **Bert calm down!

**lionheart: **I bet he's sweating all over his keyboard too

**lionheart: **Wow...his avatar's even sweating as well

**lionheart: **It's glistening...

**wreckingball: **Annie...

**lionheart: **Just stating a fact...

**wreckingball: **And now I know why you don't have any friends

**wreckingball: **Bert, just stay cool, okay?

**wreckingball: **It's just a sim

**hooverdam: **Right...okay

**hooverdam: **It's just really frustrating

**wreckingball: **It's frustrating for all of us...

**lionheart: **What a heartwarming moment

**lionheart: **Btw why the hell is this in Japanese...

**wreckingball: **There's English on here

**lionheart: **No shit Sherlock

**lionheart: **I can read

**lionheart: **But no one here can read Japanese

**hooverdam: **Mikasa might be able to

**lionheart: **Just cause she's part Japanese doesn't mean she can read those damn pictographs

**lionheart: **She's the only one left inside the walls

**lionheart: **How the hell do you even write that fourth character

**lionheart: **It has a hundred lines in there

**hooverdam: **I never knew you could be so talkative...

**wreckingball: **No one cares Annie!

**wreckingball: **Let's just start the damn sim already before I blow a gasket

* * *

**titanscientist: **Okay, get started now!

**titanscientist: **Try to get someone to distract the titan while the other kills it!

**titanscientist: **Good luck, soldiers!

* * *

**lionheart: **What the fuck is this

**lionheart: **These controls are impossible

**hooverdam: **I told you!

**lionheart: **Shut up Bertholdt

**hooverdam: **I can't jump onto the building

**wreckingball: **Try pressing jump while you're flying up there with your 3DMG

**hooverdam: **...

**hooverdam: **Still failing

**lionheart: **Great, this is completely retarded

**lionheart: **Why can't I just have a virtual titan form like Eren

**lionheart: **At least I wouldn't have to use half of these dumb controls

**wreckingball: **What? Where?

**lionheart: **I can see him on the other side of the map

**hooverdam: **How about we finish this as quickly as possible

**hooverdam: **So we don't end up killing each other?

**wreckingball: **Right...good point

**wreckingball: **Let's get this over with, Annie

**lionheart: **Fine

**wreckingball: **Huh...you can see the others in here somehow

**lionheart: **Did we not establish this when I said I saw Eren

**wreckingball: **Sorry I forgot Ms Congeniality ._.

**lionheart: **...

**hooverdam: **Sooooooo

**hooverdam: **I see Connie and Sasha

**lionheart: **What the fuck are they doing

**lionheart: **She's just standing on top of Connie's head

**wreckingball: **I guess they can't figure out the controls too

**lionheart: **Morons...

**hooverdam: **Well we can't figure them out either...

**hooverdam: **I wonder how the others are doing...

* * *

**strategicpoint: **EREN!

**strategicpoint: **You suck at controlling this thing!

**titandestroyer: **i'm sorry!

**titandestroyer: **i guess they made the sim too realistic

**strategicpoint: **Obviously

**strategicpoint: **Look at Mikasa breezing through all this

**titandestroyer: **sigh...

**titandestroyer: **well at least i can still kick some titan butt with my titan form

**titandestroyer: **or else i'd be in a titan's stomach right now XD

**strategicpoint: **...

**strategicpoint: **Don't joke about that

**titandestroyer: **oh right...sorry :O

* * *

**marcopolo: **I think I'm getting better at this

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah

**jeanchevaljean: **it was difficult at first but i'm getting the hang of this

**marcopolo: **Titan on your right

**jeanchevaljean: **thanks marco

**jeanchevaljean: **i got this

**marcopolo: **No you don't...

**jeanchevaljean: **...

**jeanchevaljean: **WHO TOOK MY TITAN KILL

**jeanchevaljean: **YOU ASSHOLES

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **sasha!

**fuzzypeaches: **i was gonna take jean's titan!

**potatopotahto: **too slow ya snail ;)

**fuzzypeaches: **come onn

**fuzzypeaches: **you gotta pay me back for standing on my head when we had no clue what was going on

**potatopotahto: **but i wasn't even standing on your actual head!

**fuzzypeaches: **give the next titan kill to me

**potatopotahto: **NEVERRRRRR

**fuzzypeaches: **POTATO GIRL

* * *

**hrgoddess: **Come on Ymir!

**hrgoddess: **Go for it!

**ymirror: **you kill it

**hrgoddess: **No way! You've given me the last three kills

**ymirror: **it's too late, just go ahead

**hrgoddess: **Ymir...

**hrgoddess: **If you don't kill it I'm going to end the simulation right now

**hrgoddess: **And get myself killed by the titan

**ymirror: **...fine

**ymirror: **but we're talking about this after the game's over

**hrgoddess: **Okay

* * *

**hooverdam: **This is a lot easier now

**wreckingball: **Agreed

**wreckingball: **Annie, you need any help with killing those titans?

**lionheart: **...I'm fine

**lionheart: **Stop distracting me

**hooverdam: **Sigh...lone wolf

**hooverdam: **I can't seem to jump onto the building for some reason

**hooverdam: **Even when my hooks are on the stupid building

**wreckingball: **Try a running head start

**hooverdam: **...still can't

**hooverdam: **Oh crap

**hooverdam: **I'm dead now

**wreckingball: **:(

**wreckingball: **You can still see the screen though, right?

**hooverdam: **Yeah

**wreckingball: **Just stay back and watch then, and some advice too

**hooverdam: **Sure

* * *

_humanitystrongest started a conversation with titanscientist._

**humanitystrongest: **Hey shitty glasses

**humanitystrongest: **How's the sim going

**titanscientist: **Pretty well I'd say

**titanscientist: **It's been half an hour

**titanscientist: **And there's still quite a few left

**humanitystrongest: **Who are the lucky bastards

**titanscientist: **Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Reiner and Annie.

**humanitystrongest: **Hmmmph...not bad

**humanitystrongest: **Get them started on extreme

**titanscientist: **...seriously? O-O

**humanitystrongest: **Crank it up.

**titanscientist: **Right...okay then

* * *

**lionheart: **This is getting fucking boring

**wreckingball: **I think we're almost done

_titanscientist changed the difficulty from "normal" to "abnormal"._

**hooverdam: **...what the hell was that

**wreckingball: **I dunno...it doesn't seem to be any different...

**wreckingball: **Oh crap

**wreckingball: **How the hell did it grab me already?

**wreckingball: **Annie where'd you go

**lionheart: **I got kicked across the map...

**hooverdam: **O.o

**hooverdam: **OHMYGOD THEY'RE ALL GANGING UP ON YOU

**lionheart: **I can see that

**lionheart: **Fuck this

**lionheart: **I'm ending the game

**wreckingball: **NO NO NO

**hooverdam: **Reiner...

**hooverdam: **Please tell me that I just didn't hear you break the keyboard

**wreckingball: **I didn't break the keyboard.

**lionheart: **Liar.

**wreckingball: **He told me to say it!

* * *

**humanitystrongest: **So how many keyboards did they break?

**titanscientist: **Four.

**titanscientist: **Care to guess who they are?

**humanitystrongest: **Jaeger, Kirschstein and...?

**titanscientist: **Reiner Braun and Bertholdt Hoover.

**humanitystrongest: **Interesting...they seems like the calm type.

**titanscientist: **Hoover broke his by sweating too much and messing up the wiring in the circuits.

**humanitystrongest: **...

**titanscientist: **Btw you're compensating me for the broken keyboards

**titanscientist: **They are NOT cheap

**humanitystrongest: **Whatever Hanji.

* * *

**wreckingball: **So I heard you broke your keyboard too...

**hooverdam: **SHUT UP DON'T MENTION IT

* * *

**Author's Note**

So I based this chapter on the online game, Attack on Titan Tribute Game. It's fun, but very frustrating at the same time. I gave up after a few minutes of swearing and table slamming. This chapter isn't as humour-packed, but I needed to vent my frustration on here XD Maybe I'm just not meant to be a gamer. I'll stick to my Pokemon X then...

Can you believe this is the tenth chapter already? Cause I can't! It feels I just started the fic yesterday...and I now have over a hundred reviews and followers :D

Lots of love for crazyyetgreat, HarmonyBenderFreak, Gou Tachibana, AmIObsessed, hellraven-ovo, Buntaichou, Peque Saltamontes, Tennu, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Rache-stands-for-revenge, Yoruko-Chan, Cyanical and Gemini Wonderland for reviewing! And I just want to say another thanks because most of you guys on the list review almost every chapter! It means a lot to me :')

Less than five days until 2014! I'll make sure I have a chapter by then :) In addition, review or PM if you have suggestions for TFSC! I love finding ways to improve this fanfic!


	11. Armin's Weapon of Mass Destruction

**Chapter 11: Armin's Weapon of Mass Destruction**

_fuzzypeaches started a conversation with potatopotahto._

**fuzzypeaches: **can you believe it's the new year already?

**potatopotahto: **yes :D

**potatopotahto: **lots and lots of delicious food to eat!

**potatopotahto: **i love this time of year...so much food :3

**fuzzypeaches: **is that all you can think about?

**potatopotahto: **...yup

**potatopotahto: **you would too if you were from my village

**fuzzypeaches: **hey don't worry

**fuzzypeaches: **you aren't the only one from the outskirts of the walls

**potatopotahto: **mmhmm true

**potatopotahto: **hopefully something fun's gonna happen

**potatopotahto: **it does every year for me

**potatopotahto: **remember last year when some guy got ass drunk and began dancing on a pole? XD

**fuzzypeaches: **LOL i think that was thomas

**fuzzypeaches: **that was some crazy shit

**potatopotahto: **yeah XD

**potatopotahto: **this new year's day better be more exciting :D

* * *

_mikasassasin started a fight, I mean conversation, with humanitystrongest._

**mikasassasin: **The restraining order has expired.

**mikasassasin: **You know what that means.

**humanitystrongest: **...on about that again, brat?

**humanitystrongest: **Can't we just forget about this

**humanitystrongest: **I have better things to do than fighting temperamental little girls

**mikasassasin: **Like what? Cleaning?

**humanitystrongest: **...yes.

**mikasassasin: **You clean everyday...I'm surprised a superbug hasn't formed and killed you yet

**mikasassasin: **Btw you can't really call me little when I'm taller than you

**mikasassasin: **Shorty.

**humanitystrongest: **...

**humanitystrongest: **Say that again Ackerman.

**humanitystrongest: **I dare you.

**mikasassasin: **Couldn't understand me the first time?

**mikasassasin: **Maybe you should clean your ears...

**mikasassasin: **Shorty.

**humanitystrongest: **Edge of the forest by the horse barn

**humanitystrongest: **In fifteen minutes

**mikasassasin: **Yes Captain Short.

* * *

_mikasassasin started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**mikasassasin: **Eren

**titandestroyer: **yeah?

**mikasassasin: **If Corporal Levi and I fought each other

**mikasassasin: **Who do you think would win?

**titandestroyer: **...

**titandestroyer: **GOD MIKASA I DON'T KNOW

**titandestroyer: **you guys are both talented fighters

**titandestroyer: **don't make me choose over you guys

**titandestroyer: **enough of these dumb hypothetical questions

**titandestroyer: **you already fought him once already

**mikasassasin: **...okay Eren

**titandestroyer: **glad to see you're thinking normally now

**mikasassasin: **Come by the training grounds now

**titandestroyer: **eh why?

**mikasassasin: **You said you couldn't choose between us

**mikasassasin: **So you can come watch us and see who the better fighter is

**mikasassasin: **I'll see you there.

**titandestroyer: **wait what

**titandestroyer: **DON'T TELL ME YOU'RE ACTUALLY FIGHTING CORPORAL LEVI

**titandestroyer: **WHAT THE FUCK MIKASA

**titandestroyer: **you promised that you'd stop fighting levi!

**mikasassasin: **Well you promised you'd stop fighting Jean

**mikasassasin: **And pretty much everyone else

**mikasassasin: **And look how that turned out

**titandestroyer: **...

**titandestroyer: **that's not the point!

* * *

_titandestroyer started a conversation with strategicpoint._

**titandestroyer: **ARMIN HELP

**strategicpoint: **What is it?

**titandestroyer: **mikasa's about to go fight levi

**strategicpoint: **Again?

**titandestroyer: **but it's for real this time!

**strategicpoint: **So you're saying last time was fake?

**strategicpoint: **Mikasa throwing knives at the Corporal?

**titandestroyer: **NO

**titandestroyer: **i mean they're going to keep fighting until one of them loses :O

**strategicpoint: **...let's go and find them.

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **yo potato girl

**fuzzypeaches: **have you heard that the corporal and mikasa are gonna fight again?

**potatopotahto: **omg really?

**potatopotahto: **where did you hear that from?

**fuzzypeaches: **i just heard eren yelling about it LOL

**potatopotahto: **haha let me bring my potato chips :)

**potatopotahto: **but first things first

**potatopotahto: **let's make this more interesting :)

**fuzzypeaches: **...i don't like that face

**fuzzypeaches: **don't tell me you're gonna trick me and jean again

**fuzzypeaches: **cause if you do, you're toast

**potatopotahto: **nahhh i need a break from trolling you two

**potatopotahto: **maybe next time :)

**fuzzypeaches: **then what is it?

* * *

_potatopotahto started a conversation with fuzzypeaches, jeanchevaljean, marcopolo and ymirror._

**potatopotahto: **so have you guys heard about the fight going down

**jeanchevaljean: **hell yeah

**ymirror: **who hasn't...eren's walked past all of us

**potatopotahto: **LOL typical eren

**potatopotahto: **anyways i have a great idea to make this fight more interesting

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah that sounds fantastic

**jeanchevaljean: **look how your ideas turn out

**jeanchevaljean: **screwing me and connie over

**potatopotahto: **no no not this time

**fuzzypeaches: **then what?

**potatopotahto: **we'll place bets on the winner and the duration of the fight

**fuzzypeaches: **oh...sounds interesting

**fuzzypeaches: **i'm in

**jeanchevaljean: **...me too

**ymirror: **hmmm sure

**marcopolo: **Okay...

**potatopotahto: **great :)

**potatopotahto: **let's place our bets here right now

**potatopotahto: **50 euros on mikasa, 11 min

**jeanchevaljean: **damn...50 euros O.o

**ymirror: **why

**ymirror: **don't even have that much money, horse boy?

**jeanchevaljean: **no i do!

**jeanchevaljean: **50 euros on mikasa in 5 min

**jeanchevaljean: **she's definitely gonna win

**ymirror: **i wouldn't be so confident

**ymirror: **after all, she is fighting humanity's strongest soldier

**ymirror: **50 euros on shorty in 7 min

**fuzzypeaches: **for once i agree with ymir

**fuzzypeaches: **50 euros for the corporal in 10 min

**marcopolo: **Okay then I'll do...50 euros on a tie

**jeanchevaljean: **...really?

**marcopolo: **It could happen

**jeanchevaljean: **whatever, your loss marco

**potatopotahto: **now all we gotta do is sit back and watch the show :)

**potatopotahto: **i got chips for everyone :D

* * *

**titandestroyer: **unbelievable

**strategicpoint: **What is?

**titandestroyer: **how does everyone already know about the fight

**titandestroyer: **they're even placing bets on who's gonna win!

**strategicpoint: **Um Eren...you've been voicing your thoughts again, haven't you?

**titandestroyer: **not exactly

**strategicpoint: **What do you mean?

**titandestroyer: **more like yelling them and throwing things against the wall

**strategicpoint: **Sigh...let's just get over there and stop them from fighting

**titandestroyer: **i found them

**titandestroyer: **they're just about to start

**titandestroyer: **i'm gonna go in and stop them

**strategicpoint: **Wait Eren!

**strategicpoint: **Don't go in there blind without a plan!

**titandestroyer: **it's alright, they can't ignore me!

* * *

**jeanchevaljean: **oooh

**jeanchevaljean: **did you just see that

**ymirror: **yes captain obvious

**ymirror: **we all know eren got a good kick to the face by levi

**ymirror: **and mikasa obviously freaked out

**marcopolo: **I've started the timer already

**potatopotahto: **good

* * *

**strategicpoint: **I told you, asshat!

**titandestroyer: **don't rub it in...

**titandestroyer: **at least my injuries'll heal quickly

**strategicpoint: **Thank goodness you're a titan

**strategicpoint: **Otherwise you would've been dead five times by now

**titandestroyer: **...thanks for giving me confidence in my skills

**strategicpoint: **You're welcome asshat.

* * *

**marcopolo: **Three minutes have passed

**jeanchevaljean: **damn...come on mikasa!

**jeanchevaljean: **i believe in you!

**ymirror: **too bad she doesn't believe in you

**jeanchevaljean: **...

**ymirror: **finally admit that you're gonna lose your money now

**ymirror: **cause that was a fucking dumb bet to place

**jeanchevaljean: **shut up ymir

**fuzzypeaches: **okay okay let's calm ourselves down now

**potatopotahto: **i don't think anyone's winning right now...

**potatopotahto: **mikasa keeps avoiding all of levi's spinning kicks

**potatopotahto: **and levi's blocking her palm strikes

* * *

**strategicpoint: **Eren! I found a way to stop their battle

**titandestroyer: **what is it?

**strategicpoint: **You're not gonna like it very much

**strategicpoint: **But are you willing to do it?

**titandestroyer: **i'll do it as long as they stop fighting!

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **no one's winning yet...

**fuzzypeaches: **wait what's that

**potatopotahto: **what?

**fuzzypeaches: **eren's going out into the open

**fuzzypeaches: **...with a megaphone

**jeanchevaljean: **what the hell

**jeanchevaljean: **what's he trying to pull

**jeanchevaljean: **oh shit

**jeanchevaljean: **run guys run!

**fuzzypeaches: **um why hors-

* * *

**titandestroyer: **you know armin

**titandestroyer: **didn't this breaking my contract not to ever sing in public again

**strategicpoint: **That's why I said you wouldn't like it

**strategicpoint: **And apparently neither did the bystanders

**strategicpoint: **Good job Eren!

**strategicpoint: **You managed to knock everyone unconscious with your siren call

**titandestroyer: **maybe i should try singing to the titans

**titandestroyer: **they'd be easier to defeat

**strategicpoint: **LOL haha

**titandestroyer: **you're actually considering it aren't you...

**strategicpoint: **I need to talk over this with Hanji first

* * *

**mikasassasin: **Eren!

**mikasassasin: **I never finished my fight with Levi!

**titandestroyer: **and you never should cause you're being a total child about it

**titandestroyer: **even worse than me i might add

**mikasassasin: **...

**mikasassasin: **Fine then, I stop fighting if you want me to.

**titandestroyer: **thank you :)

**mikasassasin: **Btw I thought you promised never to sing again

**titandestroyer: **armin made me!

**mikasassasin: **You know what this means...

**titandestroyer: ***gulp*

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **errr so who won?

**fuzzypeaches: **i don't really remember anything once i was knocked out

**ymirror: **no shit sherlock

**potatopotahto: **well the money pool's gotta go to someone

**potatopotahto: **the closest guess was marco's

**potatopotahto: **so he gets it?

**marcopolo: **Really? Sweet!

**marcopolo: **Told ya Jean!

**jeanchevaljean: **okay i was wrong T^T

**jeanchevaljean: **damn it

**fuzzypeaches: **it's okay

**fuzzypeaches: **at least sasha didn't get it

**potatopotahto: **hey!

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with marcopolo._

**jeanchevaljean: **hey congrats marco :)

**jeanchevaljean: **i didn't expect you'd get the money

**marcopolo: **The answer's no

**jeanchevaljean: **?

**jeanchevaljean: **but i didn't even say anything

**marcopolo: **I know what you were going to ask

**marcopolo: **And no, I'm not giving you your money back

**jeanchevaljean: **BUT PLEASE MARCO

**marcopolo: **I won it fair and square

**jeanchevaljean: **but then you'll still have 200 euros left over anyway!

**marcopolo: **150 actually...I'm not including my own money

**jeanchevaljean: **:'(

* * *

_titanscientist started a conversation with humanitystrongest._

**titanscientist: **Heeeeyyyyy so Levi

**humanitystrongest: **No.

**titanscientist: **But I didn't even ask anything yet O.o

**humanitystrongest: **I'm not going to fight with that brat again

**titanscientist: **Phew good :)

**humanitystrongest: **And you can experiment on Eren as long as I'm not there to hear his singing

**titanscientist: **Wow! It's like you're reading my mind. Fascinating...

**titanscientist: **Can I-

**humanitystrongest: **You're not experimenting on me.

**titanscientist: **Please?

**humanitystrongest: **No.

**titanscientist: **But-

**humanitystrongest: **No.

**titanscientist: **Sigh okay

**titanscientist: **Btw do you know why Eren has duct tape covering his mouth

**humanitystrongest: **You figure it out, Hanji...

* * *

**Author's Note**

Sincere apologies from a Canadian for the late update. I was planning to release this before the New Year but then I got caught up in some...stuff. Yeah, some Sherlock, I mean stuff. Anyways, HAPPY NEW YEAR readers! I have a feeling that 2014's going to be even crazier than the last :D From now on I'm going to be updating less often (once a week) because school's starting again, and after hearing about the MATH 103 final (there's a running joke where half the students prayed to God while the other half made a deal with Satan), I'll be spending a good chunk of my time on it *sigh*

Anyways, sorry to Yuki Kaiji (Eren's seiyuu) because he is a great singer...you'll find his rendition of Jingle Bells somewhere on YouTube or tumblr. But Eren just seemed to be one of those "I'll make everyone go deaf if I even utter a note". Or maybe it's just me...

I partly based this chapter on Eren and Connie (and Mikasa in another version) singing Guren no Yumiya (very hilarious if you haven't listened to it), Cyanical's prompt (thanks so much!), and the infamous exchange between Levi and Hanji :)

Lots of thanks and Oreos to Peque Saltamontes, AmIObsessed, titan scientist, LOL, Guest, Yoruko-Chan, hellraven-ovo, Gleevi, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, Seseorang, Gou Tachibana, Tennu, HarmonyBenderFreak, Eana Jalaine, and legendary huntress for your reviews!

朋友，谢谢你!

Also, who thought Chapter 11's title was dirty? Cause I certainly didn't mean for it to be that way you perverts :)


	12. Fighting with Ymir is Always a Bad Idea

A/N: At the beginning of the chapter? *Le gasp* Just a warning, slightly based on a chapter of the manga that's as of January 10, 2014 NOT in the anime, so there might be a bit of a spoiler (but nothing big, I promise!). Anyways, enjoy the chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 12: Fighting with Ymir is Always a Bad Idea**

_hrgoddess started a conversation with ymirror._

**hrgoddess: **Hey Ymir!

**ymirror: **hi Christa :)

**ymirror: **what's up

**hrgoddess: **Well, it's our day off today, so I thought we could spend the day together and go on a hike :)

**hrgoddess: **What do you think?

**ymirror: **as long as you're there, i'm game

**ymirror: **i'll meet you by the mess hall in half an hour then

**hrgoddess: **Yay!

**hrgoddess: **See ya Ymir!

* * *

_wreckingball started a conversation with hooverdam and lionheart._

**wreckingball: **Hey guys, do you want to go hiking on the mountain today?

**wreckingball: **I heard that the snow up there is spectacular

**wreckingball: **A blinding beauty, I think I heard

**wreckingball: **What do you guys think?

**lionheart: **Ew snow.

**lionheart: **I'm not freezing myself for a so-called 'blinding beauty'

**lionheart: **I'd rather not be a human popsicle for the titans to eat.

**wreckingball: **There aren't any titans on the mountains

**wreckingball: **It's too steep for them to climb

**lionheart: **Then what makes you think that _we_ should climb it then

**hooverdam: **Sorry Reiner, I have to agree with Annie here

**hooverdam: **I don't like the look of those clouds on the mountain

**hooverdam: **It seems like there's going to be a LOT of snow

**hooverdam: **And we might get stuck there and die :P

**wreckingball: **Sigh fine

**wreckingball: **Be that way, you party poopers

**wreckingball: **I'll just go by myself then

**lionheart: **...

**hooverdam: **ARE YOU CRAZY REINER?

**hooverdam: **DON'T DO IT!

**wreckingball: **I'll be fine

**wreckingball: **See you guys later!

_wreckingball left the conversation._

**hooverdam: **facepalm

**lionheart: **Better start planning his funeral, Bertholdt.

**hooverdam: **What? Why me?

**lionheart: **Well, I'M not doing it.

* * *

_ymirror started a conversation with wreckingball._

**ymirror: **reiner braun

**wreckingball: **Yeah?

**ymirror: **what the fuck are you doing here

**wreckingball: **Huh? I'm just going on a hike

**wreckingball: **Why?

**ymirror: **because

**ymirror: **you've been following me and Christa

**ymirror: **for the past fucking hour

**wreckingball: **Just a coincidence

**wreckingball: **This trail is the safest

**wreckingball: **I assume that's why you're there as well?

**ymirror: **drop the act bic boi

**ymirror: **we both know why you're here

**ymirror: **and you're gonna have to climb over my dead body to get to Christa

**wreckingball: **...

**wreckingball: **Bring it on bitch

**wreckingball: **I accept your challenge

**wreckingball: **We'll see who comes out on top

* * *

**ymirror: **Christa, stick close to me

**hrgoddess: **Um Ymir

**hrgoddess: **Why are you texting me when you're right next to me

**ymirror: **just do as I say

**hrgoddess: **Okay then...

* * *

_An hour later..._

**hrgoddess: **Isn't the snow beautiful?

**hrgoddess: **It's a winter wonderland!

**ymirror: **yes it is

**ymirror: **but didn't you say it was weird to be texting right next to each other

**hrgoddess: **Yeah I suppose...

**hrgoddess: **But I want to remember this conversation we're having :)

**ymirror: **...you're too sweet Christa

**hrgoddess: **I know :3

* * *

**ymirror: **bitch

**ymirror: **Christa wants to remember spending time with me together

**wreckingball: **...

**wreckingball: **Fuck you

**ymirror: **sorry, i'm a girls-only babe

* * *

**hrgoddess: **Why are you smirking?

**hrgoddess: **Was it something I said?

**ymirror: **yeah...

**hrgoddess: **Wait, what's that noise?

**hrgoddess: **I hear someone calling for help!

**ymirror: **leave them there to die

**ymirror: **it's their fault they got into that position

**hrgoddess: **Ymir that's not very nice

**hrgoddess: **I'm going to investigate

**ymirror: **sigh...

* * *

**wreckingball: **Yo why'd you guys go into that cave

**wreckingball: **There could be titans in there

**ymirror: **are you fucking kidding me

**ymirror: **this is why i hate guys

**ymirror: **they ruin everything

**wreckingball: **Wow...you hate me that much?

**ymirror: **YES and no

**ymirror: **at least you're not a complete moron

**ymirror: **unlike daz...

**wreckingball: **Wait, Daz?

**wreckingball: **You mean the PTS dude who broke down during the Trost invasion?

**ymirror: **yeah, that daz

**ymirror: **he wanted to a "mighty hero" and train up on the mountains

**ymirror: **but he would have been bear food if it weren't for me and christa

**wreckingball: **At least he's learned his lesson...?

**ymirror: **no he hasn't because HE FUCKING DID IT AGAIN

**wreckingball: **...this is his second time?

**ymirror: **that idiot...

**wreckingball: **Okay he is an idiot

**wreckingball: **But why are you telling me this?

**ymirror: **take the piece of shit back to camp

**wreckingball: **No way I'm getting stuck with him!

**ymirror: **FOR CHRISTA

**wreckingball: **So you can have a wonderful lovey date with my angel?

**wreckingball: **I don't think so!

**ymirror: **first of all

**ymirror: **i can only call her that

**ymirror: **secondly

**ymirror: **...i'll tell Christa you're doing it for her

**ymirror: **and she'll be very thankful and maybe even _smile_ for you

**wreckingball: **...

**ymirror: **do we have a deal

**wreckingball: **Only if I get to see and talk to Christa first.

**ymirror: **fine...

**wreckingball: **Score!

**ymirror: **bastard

* * *

_hrgoddess started a conversation with wreckingball._

**hrgoddess:** Hey Reiner!

**hrgoddess: **Thank you so much for taking care of Daz!

**hrgoddess: **He just doesn't know when to learn...

**wreckingball: **It's no problem, angel

**wreckingball: **I mean Christa :)

**hrgoddess: **I feel kinda bad for ending your hike early though :/

**wreckingball: **Don't worry, it's fine

**wreckingball: **I was about to head back anyways

**hrgoddess: **Ah that's good :)

**hrgoddess: **I can't believe you were behind us the entire time!

**hrgoddess: **Ymir and I had no clue until a few minutes ago

**wreckingball: **Oh really...?

**wreckingball: **Hard to imagine since Ymir's a skilled fighter

**hrgoddess: **Yeah it is :)

**hrgoddess: **Anyways, you should bring Daz to the infirmary soon before his hypothermia gets worse

**wreckingball: **Right...

**wreckingball: **Be careful, Christa!

**hrgoddess: **Don't worry, I'll be fine with Ymir around :)

* * *

_Daz._ He never knew that a name could bring such animosity from himself. Reiner glared ruefully at the shivering man, whose slightly blue face was contorted in pain.

"H-h-hey Reiner," Daz pronounced between loud teeth chattering. "Th-thanks for he-helping me."

"All your fault," Reiner muttered as he rolled Daz in a brown wool blanket burrito-style before sitting on the frozen man's back.

"Wh-what's ha-happening?" Daz asked faintly.

Reiner growled. "You ruined my potential date, bastard. Might as well have a bit of fun while I'm saving your sorry ass." He then pushed off and the two began sliding down the snowy hill (read: cliff). Daz's scream could be heard for miles around (which sent every organism in the vicinity shivers down the spine, and caused a small avalanche nearby).

* * *

Christa turned around suddenly at the sound. "Did you hear that, Ymir?"

Ymir blew a wisp of hair from her face. "Hear what?"

"It sounded like a scream," the blonde scrunched her eyebrows in thought. "We should go help that person!"

Ymir scoffed. "It was probably Daz. You know how he gets. Don't worry, now let's go," she said as she began tugging Christa back down the trail.

"But-"

"No buts! Or else I increase the amount of times I make fun of Jean."

Christa sighed in defeat. "Okay..."

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hi again, I'm alive! It's only the first week, but I've got a shitload of homework to do #unilyfeproblems. My only consolation is that most of my profs are awesome (yes physics prof with an English accent, I'm talking about you)!

I'll keep this A/N short, since I've also written a short below (yay!). I just want to say thanks to **Buntaichou, HarmonyBenderFreak, Yoruko-Chan, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, hellraven-ovo**, **AmIObsessed, Peque Saltamontes, Diclonious57**, YuaShizuka, Izayacchii, harrie, **Tennu, Seseorang**, and FuzzyPurplePickle for reviewing! And to the readers in bold (so many of you guys!), I don't know how or why, but you manage to review my chapters so often, and I'm really thankful :)

спасибо, друзья мои!

* * *

_wreckingball started a conversation with hooverdam and lionheart._

**wreckingball: **Hey guys!

**hooverdam: **Oh my god you're alive?

**hooverdam: **Thank goodness!

**wreckingball: **Glad to see that you want me back :)

**lionheart: **Don't be so confident.

**lionheart: **This guy was actually planning your funeral.

**lionheart: **He even had the casket and framed photo ready for you

**hooverdam: **Annie! You weren't supposed to tell him!

**wreckingball: **LOL it's alright

**wreckingball: **Although the casket might come in handy soon...

**hooverdam: **Why?

**wreckingball: **Well...

**wreckingball: **I used Daz as a sled to slide down the mountain

**hooverdam: **Reiner!

**wreckingball: **Very time-efficient and fun though :)

**lionheart: **Ha

**lionheart: **I should try that sometime...

**hooverdam: **Where is he now? At the infirmary?

**wreckingball: **Umm he's still with me

**wreckingball: **Cause he got really blue and stopped talking and stuff

**hooverdam: **REINER

**hooverdam: **TAKE HIM TO THE INFIRMARY NOW

**wreckingball: **Alright alright

**wreckingball: **But have the casket ready just in case


	13. Freckled Jesus Take the Wheel

A/N: For a few chapters I put down marcopolo instead of freckledjesus as Marco's username. Sorry! (although I'm surprised no one noticed it)...

* * *

**Chapter 13: Freckled Jesus Take the Wheel**

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with freckledjesus._

**jeanchevaljean: **hey marco can you come to my room?

**freckledjesus: **Sorry, I'm busy right now :(

**jeanchevaljean: **eh?

**jeanchevaljean: **with what

**freckledjesus: **My finances

**freckledjesus: **I have to manage my money well

**freckledjesus: **Not going to put it in the bank

**freckledjesus: **Cause they'll probably embezzle it from me

**jeanchevaljean: **wanna give it to me then?

**jeanchevaljean: **i'm a great safekeeper :D

**freckledjesus: **Nice try, but you're not getting your 50 euros back.

**jeanchevaljean: **WHY NOT

**jeanchevaljean: **I NEED THAT MONEY

**freckledjesus: **For what exactly?

**jeanchevaljean: **...it's a secret

**freckledjesus: **Then I'm not giving it to you

**freckledjesus: **Besides, it's your own fault that you lost the wager

**jeanchevaljean: **goddamn it

**jeanchevaljean: **MARCO PLEASE

******freckledjesus:** ...

**freckledjesus: **Nope :)

**jeanchevaljean: **T^T

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**jeanchevaljean: **CONNIE HELP ME

**fuzzypeaches: **what is it horseface?

**jeanchevaljean: **marco won't give me my money back!

**fuzzypeaches: **psssh why should i help you

**fuzzypeaches: **i'm not getting my money back

**fuzzypeaches: **just accept it and move on

**jeanchevaljean: **but i really need it!

**fuzzypeaches: **for what exactly?

**jeanchevaljean: **i'm...getting a birthday present for mikasa

**fuzzypeaches: **mikasa?

**jeanchevaljean: **her birthday's in a couple weeks

**fuzzypeaches: **...okay i really doubt marco's gonna give you the money for that

**jeanchevaljean: **what why?

**fuzzypeaches: **and i'm sure as hell not helping you either

**fuzzypeaches: **i don't think mikasa likes me...

**jeanchevaljean: **don't worry, she just looks at everyone like that

**fuzzypeaches: **...

**fuzzypeaches: **regardless, i don't think i'm the right guy for this

**fuzzypeaches: **go ask eren

**jeanchevaljean: **ARE YOU CRAZY

**jeanchevaljean: **i'm not gonna go and ask that titan freak!

**fuzzypeaches: **that "titan freak"

**fuzzypeaches: **just happens to be one of mikasa's best friends

**fuzzypeaches: **he might not punch you this time

**fuzzypeaches: **who knows, maybe he'll actually help you out

**jeanchevaljean: **...you're useless

**fuzzypeaches: **your face is even more useless

* * *

_freckledjesus started a conversation with fuzzypeaches._

**freckledjesus: **So what does he want it for?

**fuzzypeaches: **mikasa's birthday gift

**fuzzypeaches: **so are you gonna give it to him?

******freckledjesus: **Maybe...

**freckledjesus: **But I think I'll let him sweat it out for a bit :)

**fuzzypeaches: **not like bertholdt i hope *shudder*

**freckledjesus: **LOL

**freckledjesus: **Who knows, maybe Jean and Eren will actually get along a bit more...

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**jeanchevaljean: **err yo eren

**titandestroyer: **what is it horseface

**titandestroyer: **news from levi or hanji?

**jeanchevaljean: **um no

**jeanchevaljean: **and don't call me that

**titandestroyer: **then what is it?

**jeanchevaljean: **i wanted to ask you a favour

**titandestroyer: **which is...?

**jeanchevaljean: **can you help me get my money back from marco?

**titandestroyer: **what money?

**jeanchevaljean: **the money i lost on the bet last week

**titandestroyer: **oh...you mean that bet with mikasa and the corporal

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah! see i want to-

**titandestroyer: **no way.

**jeanchevaljean: **what?

**jeanchevaljean: **but i haven't even told you why yet!

**titandestroyer:** you bet on them fucking fighting

**titandestroyer: **if you actually cared for her

**titandestroyer: **then you would have stopped her fighting!

**jeanchevaljean: **BUT I BET ON HER!

**titandestroyer: **DOESN'T MATTER

**jeanchevaljean: **YES IT DOES

**jeanchevaljean: **AT LEAST I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN HER

**titandestroyer: **...take back what you just said

**jeanchevaljean: **no.

**titandestroyer: **you are so dead, horseface.

* * *

**fuzzypeaches: **so...how'd it go?

**jeanchevaljean: **i hate your useless ideas

**fuzzypeaches: **hey!

**fuzzypeaches: **it was not stupid!

* * *

**freckledjesus: **It didn't work did it...

**fuzzypeaches: **you really shouldn't expect that much from those two shitfaces

**fuzzypeaches: **they're at each other's throats all the time

**freckledjesus: **True...but I hoped :(

**freckledjesus: **Ooh I have an idea :D

**fuzzypeaches: **what is it?

* * *

_freckledjesus started a conversation with titandestroyer._

**freckledjesus: **Hey Eren, are you okay?

**freckledjesus: **I could hear you yelling from my room

**titandestroyer: **again?

**titandestroyer: **err sorry marco

**titandestroyer: **it's just typical jean

**freckledjesus: **Ahh figures.

**freckledjesus: **What'd he do again?

**freckledjesus: **Cop you in the face?

**titandestroyer: **err no

**titandestroyer: **he just wanted to get his money back from losing mikasa's bet

**titandestroyer: **for mikasa or something

**titandestroyer: **but if he cares for her, then shouldn't he have stopped her fighting?

**titandestroyer: **he's just being a complete asshole and thinking about himself

**freckledjesus: **You're right

**titandestroyer: **i am?

**freckledjesus: **You are.

**freckledjesus: **He is a bit selfish sometimes, but he does have his caring side

**titandestroyer: **and how do you know this?

**freckledjesus: **He wanted to get the money for Mikasa's birthday present :)

**titandestroyer: **...mikasa has a birthday?

**freckledjesus: **Oh dear...O.o

**titandestroyer: **SHIT

* * *

_jeanchevaljean started a conversation with strategicpoint._

**jeanchevaljean: **hey armin

**strategicpoint: **Hi Jean :)

**strategicpoint: **What do you need?

**jeanchevaljean: **i need to replace the money I lost

**strategicpoint: **From the bet?

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah

**strategicpoint: **No thanks

**strategicpoint: **I'm sure you can think of a way besides begging people to replace your lost money :)

**jeanchevaljean: **but it's for a good cause!

**jeanchevaljean: **it's for mikasa's birthday present!

**strategicpoint: **I've gotten a gift for her

**strategicpoint: **Sorry :P

**jeanchevaljean: **sigh okay...T^T

* * *

**jeanchevaljean: **IT'S NOT WORKING

**jeanchevaljean: **i even asked armin and he said no!

**fuzzypeaches: **...you really need to work on your persuading skills

**jeanchevaljean: **but i'm pretty charismatic!

**jeanchevaljean: **remember trost?

**fuzzypeaches: **i think it's just in your crazy warped up mind

**fuzzypeaches: **get a grip of yourself

* * *

**freckledjesus: **Hey guess what!

**freckledjesus:** I got Armin and Sasha to join in as well!

**fuzzypeaches: **...jean just got rejected by armin

**freckledjesus: **...he doesn't need to know.

**fuzzypeaches: **so who you going to next?

**freckledjesus: **...you?

**fuzzypeaches: **...

**fuzzypeaches: **take my money

* * *

**jeanchevaljean: **MARCO PLEASE?

**freckledjesus: **Have you learned your lesson?

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah yeah

**jeanchevaljean: **wait what lesson?

**freckledjesus: **You should be nicer to people when asking them for things?

**jeanchevaljean: **wait...how did you know that?

**freckledjesus: **Connie of course.

**jeanchevaljean: **that baldface and his loud mouth...

**freckledjesus: **So did you learn your lesson, Jean?

**jeanchevaljean: **yeah i suppose

**freckledjesus: **Cool :)

**freckledjesus: **Then come over to my room and pick up the money

**jeanchevaljean: **eh what?

**jeanchevaljean: **i thought you said you wouldn't give me my money back

**freckledjesus: **Oh it's not your money actually

**freckledjesus: **It's Eren's and a few other people's

**jeanchevaljean: **you did a collection and IT ACTUALLY WORKED?

**jeanchevaljean: **goddamn eren

**freckledjesus: **Well you guys did start off on the wrong foot

**freckledjesus: **You didn't even tell him it was for Mikasa's birthday...

**jeanchevaljean: **that's cause he kicked me out before i could tell him!

**freckledjesus: **Umm okay LOL

**freckledjesus: **So are you picking up the money or not?

**jeanchevaljean: **thanks marco

**jeanchevaljean: **you're a saviour :D

**freckledjesus: **I know :)

* * *

**Author's Note**

Hi again! This week has flown by so fast! Marco's chapter wasn't easy to do, since he doesn't really have a strong character and he died before his character could be further developed, but I'm hoping that even Freckled Jesus has a wicked streak in him :) Also, if you haven't noticed, I've been editing the earlier chapters and adding in a few new details (I've done Chapter 1 so far) so read it again if you want, but it's not necessary. Much of the content is still the same.

So I want to thank Seoseorang, Peque Saltamontes, Buntaichou, Yoruko-chan, Tennu, HarmonyBenderFreak, Gemini Wonderland, FuzzyPurplePickle, Gleam Tamers Hikari27, AmIObsessed, Titanic-fanatic, Diclonious57, Challopea, Gou Tachibana, On mobile, and Ubermarine for reviewing! You guys keep me from going insane from having a crappy chem prof and not understanding a single thing XD

Again, review if you have any suggestions or prompts to improve TFSC! Also, I do have a tumblr (it's beautifulsnk) and I'm on there quite a bit :)

One final message before I end the A/N: I was on the Livestream for the Attack on Voices readover of SDR2, and it was there that I learned about the beauty of Gizoogle. Try reading the stories with Gizoogle (note: it doesn't work on words in caps). I'll just put some of my favourite quotes below...see if you can figure out which chapters they're from :D

* * *

**The Magic of Gizoogle**

**scarymir: **yo ass is so dead as fuckin fried chicken.

**mikasaisyourcasa: **Eren, I'ma flin you tha fuck into tha manure pile.

**titanscientist: **Oh fuck you dearies muthafucka!

**freckledjesus: **Dude be lookin like a straight-up mad salty zombie

**mikasassasin: **Sasha, on tha down-low down. I ain't talkin 'bout chicken n' gravy biatch.

**hrgoddess: **Ummm...I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Maybe Ymir just juiced it up up. Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaaatch! Who tha fuck knows, biatch? I wouldn't know.

**fuzzypeaches: **her big-ass booty stronger than ten of our asses combined

"I holla'd tha drizzle looked pimped out todizzle, right, _Connie__?"_

**strategicpoint: **Eren, I be a shota, not a nun.

**humanitystrongest: **It aint nuthin but dunkadelic how tha fuck you worse than Hanji.

**hooverdam: **I feel like they already know whoz ass we are...

And my personal favourite:

**reinerdeer: **Bert likes Twerky Cyrus.

* * *

What is a 'salty zombie' you say? I have no clue...


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